Ranty rant...

I think I need to rant.

There's a group on facebook called something like 'join if you were born in the 1990s and don't have a kid or are pregnant'. Obviously I couldn't join! I'm not offended by the group at all, but reading some of the comments made me need to rant. Firstly, it's apparently only chavs that get pregnant under the age of twenty... that's news to me... I wouldn't exactly call myself a chav! XD Secondly, apparently only fat girls who get pregnant. I may be fat now, but that's the result of having been pregnant! I wasn't fat before! Thirdly, people who get pregnant at a young age are all sluts. I'm not a slut. I know anyone can say that, but I'm really not a slut! Fourthly, I read that all teenage mums are skanks who can't bring up their children properly. Ike is only 4 months old, so I haven't exactly brought him up yet, but I think I'll do a pretty good job at bringing him up. Fifthly, apparently most babies with young parents are brought up by their parent's parent. Ha! I can't see my mum doing that! Lastly, there was lots of bitching about young mums being on benefits. Yes, I'm on benefits, but it's not out of choice and to be honest, I'd rather bond with my baby before getting a job. I don't intend to stay on benefits forever and as soon as I can I'm going to get a job and go to college... I just need to work out what I want to do with my life.

There's nothing wrong with having a baby young. People shouldn't bitch about things they haven't experienced. It could happen to absolutely anyone. I didn't expect it to happen to me, but it did. To be honest, even though I didn't plan to get pregnant, having Ike was the best thing that ever happened to me. He's just so fucking awesome.

But yeah, SCREW ALL TEH JUDGEMENTAL BASTARDS!

=]

Whingeywhinge.

I'm so fucking miserable recently. There are many reasons... but tonight I decided I'd have a moan because of how fucking gross my body has become.

I hated how I looked before I was pregnant. Now I would do absolutely anything to look like that again. I can't believe I thought I was really fat. I keep looking at old pictures and getting really pissed off at myself. I'm never going to look like that again. I hated how I looked, but I looked hoobloads better than I do now.

Now I weigh probably more than a stone heavier than I did pre-pregnancy. I am actually fat now. I'm covered in stretchmarks (they're literally everywhere apart from like my face). On top of being fat, my belly is dead flabby and horrible and it's a weird shape. I have to wear belly-restricting granny knickers if I want to look vaguely normal. I'm a complete fucking freakshow. >.<

When I was pregnant I knew I was getting bigger, but just thought 'hey- doesn't everyone get bigger when they're pregnant?'. I got too big. I know I didn't have a small baby, but there's no excuse for how big I got. I put on weight everywhere. There's no fucking excuse for how fat my arms and legs have become. I could see the stretchmarks getting worse and worse, but it didn't really bother me because I thought it would all be over soon and it wouldn't bother me once I'd had the baby. How fucking wrong was I? Now I look so grotesque I can't even look at myself. I would have taken a picture of my belly to prove how fucking vile it is. It's not just fat, it's saggy. I'm like a fucking OAP! Because I don't have a picture of my belly, here's a picture of how my belly was getting bigger when I was pregnant:

 

Right, so you see the progression of the bigness, yes? To get an idea of how my belly looks now, imagine popping my october belly with a pin and looking at the deflated, saggy, stretchmarked flump of vileness. Yes, it's that bad. There's no fucking way I'm ever going to get to how I used to look. As I thought I was really fat before, it's pretty obvious I'm never going to look like that again and I fucking hate it. I hate everything about myself. Message to every female in the world: Never get pregnant. It turns you into a monster. Like yeah, I love Ike more than anything in the world and I wouldn't do anything to change having him, but I would do absolutely anything in the whole fucking world to change how I look. >.<

Heh, you've probably had enough of my moaningness, so I'm going to fuck off and get drunk.

Stuffage.

There's a cute moth flying round in here. He keeps flying into my computer screen... I think it's because it's dark and it's the only light source.

I bought some shmexiful new shoes today (see pic). I love them! It's great having shoes that aren't either slip-on things, wellies or converse with laces I can no longer tie. Not entirely sure spending £30 on shoes at this particular point in my life is the best idea I've ever had, especially when I spent over £20 on other stuff... but hey ho! I bought some socks and a couple of tops too. The tops look way too sophisticated and make me look like a posh person, but I don't care. At least they fit me better than non-maternity tops. My usual size rolls up over the bump and bigger sizes look silly because although they cover the bump, they're dead baggy around the arms and shoulders and stuff. Maternity clothes are my only real option at the moment because they don't look as ridiculous. Meeps. Hopefully I wont need to waste my money on any more clothing or anything in the next 6 weeks!

I went out tonight. It was the last time I'll see most people before they bugger off to far away university lands. It was quite a good night. Went to general pubs (Yellow, Wetherspoons and Rascals). Once again, I didn't spend any money all night. When I'm not drinking alcohol, I don't really feel the need to buy drinks. I had a bottle of water in my bag and that was all I consumed. If I had spent lots of money on drinks, it would have been a pointless waste of money. Walking up bitch hill is a lot worse than it usually would be when this pregnant. It should have some kind of warning sign at the bottom of it, telling pregnant people not to go up it. Could have died or something lol.

I'm waiting for the crazed farmer's wife who commented on my last blog post (about Llanffest) to reply. I quite enjoyed writing my replies to her. She pissed me off and amused me at the same time. My hope of her writing back is slowly dripping away... Gutted! XD I wonder what she'd say about the fact I went to pubs and walked up bitch hill whilst pregnant! There are so many things I would like to call her, but I'm not going to sink to her level. Meep. Why wont she reply?! Ooohh... maybe I've stumped her or something!

Anyhow. I'm gonna go to sleep because I'm rather sleepy. Night.

Zapppp!

I haven't updated this blog for at least a couple of days. I think it's because I have no idea what to write because I can never think of anything interesting to say! So as usual, I might as well just write about random crap!

After my last bit of bloggishness in this blog, I realised that I write wayyy too much about pregnancy and that it's probably really boring to people who aren't pregnant... So I made a pregnancy blog to write pregnancy related shizz in.

Today I went to the cinema with a couple of friends to see The Taking Of Pelham 123. It was awesome. A lot better than I expected it to be. It was really weird though because I don't think I've ever seen John Travolta in anything apart from Grease so I associate him with that. The Taking Of Pelham 123 was probably as far away from Grease (in terms of how alike they are) as it's possible to get! It was weirder than every time Jim Carrey is in a serious film! John Travolta is now really old and stuff too... Really, really old! Yeah, hoobacious film though! It had lots of swearing, action, guns and even the odd amusing moment. There was even a cute little rat! What more could one want in a film than violence and rodents?! =D

I seem to have randomly developed a big fear of needles or blood or something (yes, me with the tattoos and piercings). I have no idea why, but following on from my last post in this blog, I went to the hospital today so they could steal my blood. I was waiting there and I was all sweaty, pale, shaking, terrified and I had that feeling you get just before going all dizzy. When the thing with numbers on it got to number 30 (I was number 31), I totally freaked out and left the hospital. I don't know why this is happening recently, but I have to get my blood taken from me some time in the next four days. =/ Meh. I usually love getting blood taken from me. I think I'm just fucking terrified that the random almost faintingness that happened last time will happen again. Meep.

Ooohhh, this morning I had a letter from the bank informing me that my current account is going to be upgraded to a bank account... Excuse me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I already have a bank account! It's an account in the bank. XD I think they mean a proper scary grown up bank account where I can become overdrawn and have a cheque book though.

I have a few more things I could write about if I wanted to, but to be honest I'm getting quite sleepy and I intend to sleep soon, so hoobletoodledoo!

blameep!

Rarrrr! A rather crappy midwife appointment! >.<

Yesterday I woke up feeling fine. I had a midwife appointment which was bad enough because I had to pee on a stick. I'm getting used to peeing on sticks now though. It's so much less embarrassing to pee on a stick than give an actual urine sample!
She took my blood pressure, which as usual was on the low side of normal. When she was taking my blood pressure she commented that my pulse was really fast and asked if I was anxious about being there. For one of the first times ever, I wasn't actually anxious about being there. It was weird. Next was the super embarrassing bit. She was going to steal my blood. It was quite funny because the night before I had a conversation about midwives being vampires, and the midwife (without any prompting from me) started joking about how she felt like Dracula because she'd had to take so much blood from people that day! Anyhow, I usually love needles (yes, I'm a weirdo). I am always kind of fascinated by the tubes filling up with my blood when it's being stolen. I usually quite enjoy having blood taken. The thingy was in my arm, but for some reason the blood was dripping into the thing really slowly. I laughed at it a bit and suddenly felt really dizzy, like I was going to faint or something. The midwife took the thingy out of my arm and went to get the doctor and stuff. I could have died of shame. Blah, blahhh, blaahhhhh. I realised that my high pulse rate and the whole almost fainting thing made me look like I had suddenly developed some kinda needle phobia. The midwife thinks I'm probably just anaemic or something, but I think that's kind of weird considering I was far from anaemic a couple of months ago. But yeah, because of this incident I have to have the blood stolen at the hospital in a few days. I hate hospitals and was hoping I could avoid it until the actual birth. >.<
I left the doctorsy place quicker than they would have liked me to and I ended up puking after leaving (I don't remember the last time I had puked when not drunk or hungover). It was horrible.
It was all immensely embarrassing. Made worse by the fact that later on in the day the midwife phoned my grandmother to see if I was ok. I just don't do being all ill and stuff... Especially when other people know about it!
I was fine within a couple of hours. I hope nothing like this happens again. Recently heartburn has kicked in, I keep getting a very achey back and I'm getting really tired a lot. I officially hate being pregnant.
The squigglytiddlypeep is doing hoobacious though. He's still growing exactly the right amount and his heart beat is hoobacious! =D

Hmm...

GAHHH! I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT!

Well, nothing interesting... Blahhhhhhh! Who's to say what's interesting and what's not? Might as well write about random crap... That seems to be what I usually do anyway! I hope there's something somebody will be vaguely interested in!

I HATE being 27 weeks pregnant. It's not because of any symptoms or things that are happening. It's because I hate the uncertainty as to which trimester I'm in. Loads of places say the third trimester starts at 27 weeks, some say it starts at 28 or 29 weeks and I've even seen one site that says it starts at 26 weeks. Am I in the second trimester or third? Nobody seems to know. I'm kind of fed up of the second trimester, so I'd quite like to count myself as being in the third trimester, but I can't... Not until I know for certain! Regardless of which trimester I'm in, there is now just less than 3 months until the baby is due. It's all getting scarily close!

In the jobcentre today, there was actually a nice person who worked there. Usually the people that work there are total fucktards. She didn't look down her nose at me and she didn't imply I was lying about stuff. It was totally bizarre!

Talkin' of bizarre, there was apparently weird ghostly stuff happening in my mother's house last night. I would write about it myself, but I'm going to try and persuade her to make a blog or something, so hopefully she'll write about it herself (everyone needs a blog). The stuff she described last night totally backed up my belief that children are very in tune to supernatural shizz until they are old enough for their minds to have been sculpted by society to me less perceptive. I'll write about the stuff my mum told me about in a later blog if I can't persuade her to start her own!

Here's a bit of advice... Never ever ever ever ever under any circumstances, spill sherbet down your top. I did it yesterday and it felt horrible as it was all in my bra and stuff. It felt worse than sand does, and it was even harder than sand to get off my skin because it went really sticky when I applied water.

Ooohhh... That reminds me! I had such a weird dream last night. I've been having nightmares pretty much every night recently, but last night was different. It wasn't a nightmare, but it was totally fucking scary... and rather hilarious to look back on! I was in the bath and my boob started leaking milk. I was no pregnanter than I am now. I collected some milk in my hand and sniffed it to see if it really was milk... It smelled just like soya milk, so that confirmed it was in fact milk. I poked it to see if it was just a flukey thing, but it wasn't. When I poked it, it leaked more and my nipple just kind of... expanded... into a weird shape (see diagram below). It freaked me out so I rushed to the doctors. I was sitting in the waiting room topless (which was weird because I'd never ever do that and nobody in the waiting room seemed to notice there was a half-naked person with totally bizarre tits sitting there). When I saw the doctor, she told me my boob looked like an elephants trunk and it would never go back to normal unless I breast-fed a degu until the baby was born. She also asked me some questions about Harry Potter.
Such a weird dream. I would never ever ever ever ever breast feed a degu!
I've been trying to work out why I had this dream... I think it was because I've recently heard too many stories about boob leakage and maybe because when I feed Morrissey his medicine out of a syringe, it's kind of like feeding a baby out of a bottle. Heh, yeah... weird dream. I'm going to have a look in my many dream analysis books later on (probably whilst in the bath and hoping for the dream not to come true).

Now that I have written about that dream (and possibly weirded out anyone who reads this) I think it's time for me to stop writing. :P

Skin and dandelions.

Today I seem to be full of skin complaints.

Stretch marks are suddenly appearing EVERYWHERE! I know I'm pregnant and it happens to most people, but it's horrible. They'll never go away- they'll just fade. I was prepared to get a few, but they're around the bump, on my boobs, on my hips... there are probably some on my butt too! Now I have to endure the next 102 days knowing they're just going to get worse and worse! Oh AND I have a midwife appointment today so I wont be the only person seeing them- oh joy! Hey ho- shit happens! This was not the worst of today's skin complaints.

I really wanted to wear my new shorts today, so I decided to very quickly shave my legs before leaving the house using a razor and nothing else. BAD IDEA! My legs were bleeding in places and stung like a bitch. I thought it'd be ok after a few minutes. However, throughout the day my legs became covered in horrible itchy/stingy kinda spots and big red lines. It looks like I've let a five year old shave my legs.

Anyhow...

I am MAJORLY pissed off with channel four. They're fucktardy twat-moobs. If you want to know why, check out my hoobyblog a few minutes after I have posted this.

I'm slightly obsessed with dandelions today. It all started when there was someone called Mrs Burdock in my book last night and it made me want dandelion and burdock. Then this morning I realised how much vimto tastes like dandelion and burdock. I thought I had spelled it incorrectly on twitter and it turned out I hadn't. Ever since realising I had actually spelled it correctly I've been strangely drawn to the dandelion and burdock bottle. I just want to stroke the word dandelion. I don't remember the last time I actually saw a dandelion! Strange how someone can become obsessed with a word but not a thing. Dandelion is definitely my favourite word! Heh, I'm a dandy lion! Are you? =D

Hoobletoodledoo!

Stage Fright. TMI,

Warning: TMI

The weirdest, silliest thing just happened.

I went to the toilet with the intention of doing a number two. Everything was going normally until I sat down on the toilet seat. As I sat down the baby started moving around a little bit. It made me extremely aware that I wasn't alone in the bathroom. I know he can only see inside my uterus, but it made no difference- I just couldn't do a poo when I was aware of him being so close to me. I wouldn't poo in front of anyone else, so what's so different about him? I know it sounds stupid, but it felt like I was being watched. I sat there for about five minutes unable to poo because it didn't feel right so I gave up and went to blog about it.

I know I'm not going to be able to hold it in until October, but I just couldn't do it. It'll probably be ok next time as long as he's staying still and I'm not thinking about him.

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to share this bit of information with the world, but it made me LOL at myself so I guess it's vaguely worth sharing... Gosh, pregnancy does weird things to your brain! XD

Baby shizz...

I have just been banned from eating spaghetti bolognese because my two year old half brother could eat it less messily. In my defence, I'm eighteen so only just an adult and I was eating it using just a titanium spork. You'd never think I was about to unleash my spawn unto the world. I'm 20 weeks pregnant, so he will be unleashed within the next 20 weeks or so. Scary thought!

I've started buying the occasional baby thing. In the last week I've bought him some jeans, a grey hoodie with dinosaurs on it and a couple of bibs. It feels weird buying stuff now, but as I'm half way through my pregnancy, I need to be buying things because I don't have much money and I'm terrible at saving. It's strangely fun looking at all the baby clothes, but it's kind of frustrating how much fluffy blue stuff there is. I hate it when baby boys are dressed in fluffy baby-blue stuff. Obviously I wont be able to avoid it completely with my squigglytiddlypeep, but whenever possible he will look cool! It's also frustrating that it's June and as he's due in October, most of the stuff in the shops at the moment isn't going to be suitable because it's all summery and stuff. I hope I'll be able to find a suitable amount of baby clothes by October. =/

I had my 20 week scan a few days ago. Everything was fine and I found out that he's a he! He's rather cute... I got bored last night and made the Fishy thing (pictured above). It's a bit silly but hey ho!

Anyhow... I can't decide whether or not I like this year's big brother. It's obviously better than last year because I've watched three days so far. Last year I got bored after the second episode.

I really can't think of anything else to write at the moment, so hoobletoodledooo! =D