I hated how I looked before I was pregnant. Now I would do absolutely anything to look like that again. I can't believe I thought I was really fat. I keep looking at old pictures and getting really pissed off at myself. I'm never going to look like that again. I hated how I looked, but I looked hoobloads better than I do now.
Now I weigh probably more than a stone heavier than I did pre-pregnancy. I am actually fat now. I'm covered in stretchmarks (they're literally everywhere apart from like my face). On top of being fat, my belly is dead flabby and horrible and it's a weird shape. I have to wear belly-restricting granny knickers if I want to look vaguely normal. I'm a complete fucking freakshow. >.<
When I was pregnant I knew I was getting bigger, but just thought 'hey- doesn't everyone get bigger when they're pregnant?'. I got too big. I know I didn't have a small baby, but there's no excuse for how big I got. I put on weight everywhere. There's no fucking excuse for how fat my arms and legs have become. I could see the stretchmarks getting worse and worse, but it didn't really bother me because I thought it would all be over soon and it wouldn't bother me once I'd had the baby. How fucking wrong was I? Now I look so grotesque I can't even look at myself. I would have taken a picture of my belly to prove how fucking vile it is. It's not just fat, it's saggy. I'm like a fucking OAP! Because I don't have a picture of my belly, here's a picture of how my belly was getting bigger when I was pregnant:
Right, so you see the progression of the bigness, yes? To get an idea of how my belly looks now, imagine popping my october belly with a pin and looking at the deflated, saggy, stretchmarked flump of vileness. Yes, it's that bad. There's no fucking way I'm ever going to get to how I used to look. As I thought I was really fat before, it's pretty obvious I'm never going to look like that again and I fucking hate it. I hate everything about myself. Message to every female in the world: Never get pregnant. It turns you into a monster. Like yeah, I love Ike more than anything in the world and I wouldn't do anything to change having him, but I would do absolutely anything in the whole fucking world to change how I look. >.<
Heh, you've probably had enough of my moaningness, so I'm going to fuck off and get drunk.
