Bank: The GOOSEFANNY of the clothes shopping world.

Spent ages writing a blog. Deleted it because I'm so fucking pissed off and have to blog about something else.


I went to Bank (the clothes shop, not the HSBC or anything) today. I bought a top. Didn't try it on because I have a thing about changing rooms and never ever ever try stuff on in shops. The size I got was large. I expected it to be baggy on me because yeah, I may be a lot fatter than I used to be, but I'm not exactly massive. I tried it on about half an hour ago. I only just managed to get my arms through the arm thingys and it wouldn't fasten at all. IT WAS NOT FUCKING LARGE! It was tiny. It would probably fit my 11 year old cousin. Usually a medium would fit me quite nicely, but no... large was extremely small on me. Yeah, I'm pissed off at myself for getting so fat, but I'm even more pissed off at Bank. Having sizes like that is the kind of thing that fuels eating disorders and shit. I'm apparently a healthy weight for my height. I know I need to lose weight to be the size I want to be, but the point is that I'm a healthy weight and a large top was too small for me. It's fucking ridiculous. So yeah, I'm a healthy weight yet I'm fat according to this fucking shop. I'm going to boycott Bank (even though they sell awesome shoes). Even if I manage to lose a lot of weight, I'm still going to avoid shopping there. Stupid fucking cunt of a shop! >.<

Anyhow... in other news, I spent over £100 today so I wont be able to afford much food to nom for a while so hopefully that will help me lose weight and become what society (or just twatty shops like Bank) want me to be. At least I have a table and two chairs (hopefully that's enough to accomodate my fat arse) for the garden!

Whoooooooooosssssssssshhhhhhhhh. I'm going to drink some alcomavag.

Whingeywhinge.

I'm so fucking miserable recently. There are many reasons... but tonight I decided I'd have a moan because of how fucking gross my body has become.

I hated how I looked before I was pregnant. Now I would do absolutely anything to look like that again. I can't believe I thought I was really fat. I keep looking at old pictures and getting really pissed off at myself. I'm never going to look like that again. I hated how I looked, but I looked hoobloads better than I do now.

Now I weigh probably more than a stone heavier than I did pre-pregnancy. I am actually fat now. I'm covered in stretchmarks (they're literally everywhere apart from like my face). On top of being fat, my belly is dead flabby and horrible and it's a weird shape. I have to wear belly-restricting granny knickers if I want to look vaguely normal. I'm a complete fucking freakshow. >.<

When I was pregnant I knew I was getting bigger, but just thought 'hey- doesn't everyone get bigger when they're pregnant?'. I got too big. I know I didn't have a small baby, but there's no excuse for how big I got. I put on weight everywhere. There's no fucking excuse for how fat my arms and legs have become. I could see the stretchmarks getting worse and worse, but it didn't really bother me because I thought it would all be over soon and it wouldn't bother me once I'd had the baby. How fucking wrong was I? Now I look so grotesque I can't even look at myself. I would have taken a picture of my belly to prove how fucking vile it is. It's not just fat, it's saggy. I'm like a fucking OAP! Because I don't have a picture of my belly, here's a picture of how my belly was getting bigger when I was pregnant:

 

Right, so you see the progression of the bigness, yes? To get an idea of how my belly looks now, imagine popping my october belly with a pin and looking at the deflated, saggy, stretchmarked flump of vileness. Yes, it's that bad. There's no fucking way I'm ever going to get to how I used to look. As I thought I was really fat before, it's pretty obvious I'm never going to look like that again and I fucking hate it. I hate everything about myself. Message to every female in the world: Never get pregnant. It turns you into a monster. Like yeah, I love Ike more than anything in the world and I wouldn't do anything to change having him, but I would do absolutely anything in the whole fucking world to change how I look. >.<

Heh, you've probably had enough of my moaningness, so I'm going to fuck off and get drunk.

Reasons why it sucks to be female...

- Periods. Period.

- Can't shave our heads because it might look silly.

- Can't wander around outside topless with0ut getting arrested.

- Girls seem to get fat easier than guys.

- People automatically assume we're interested in makeup and stuff.

- 100% more chance of becoming pregnant.

- Can't wear guys clothing without being considered butch.

- Girls are generally shorter.

- Boobs get in the way sometimes.

- No chance whatsoever in becoming US president. (although being British and anti-government I really don't give a fuck about that!)

- There's too much male-chauvinism going on.

- All-male sports stuff is more popular... unless you do a really dumb sport like running.

- Girls are too bitchy.

- If you don't have at least 20 pairs of shoes, there must be something wrong with you. (I have 3 and am quite satisfied)

- Girls get drunk easier. (could be considered a good thing, but we also get TOO drunk more easily..)

- If you sleep with lots of people, you become a 'slut'. If guys do this they become some sort of 'stud'.

- People think you're less likely to be able to look after yourself.

- People automatically assume that you love watching romantic comedies.

- It looks worse if you have greasy hair.

- We have to (well, we don't have to - we just do!) remove leg hair, armpit hair and stuff.

- People assume we're evil or something if we don't call everyone 'hunni'.

- Burping and farting isn't 'ladylike'.

The list is endless, but I can't be bothered carrying it on. After writing this, I feel like getting a sex-change!