I hated how I looked before I was pregnant. Now I would do absolutely anything to look like that again. I can't believe I thought I was really fat. I keep looking at old pictures and getting really pissed off at myself. I'm never going to look like that again. I hated how I looked, but I looked hoobloads better than I do now.
Now I weigh probably more than a stone heavier than I did pre-pregnancy. I am actually fat now. I'm covered in stretchmarks (they're literally everywhere apart from like my face). On top of being fat, my belly is dead flabby and horrible and it's a weird shape. I have to wear belly-restricting granny knickers if I want to look vaguely normal. I'm a complete fucking freakshow. >.<
When I was pregnant I knew I was getting bigger, but just thought 'hey- doesn't everyone get bigger when they're pregnant?'. I got too big. I know I didn't have a small baby, but there's no excuse for how big I got. I put on weight everywhere. There's no fucking excuse for how fat my arms and legs have become. I could see the stretchmarks getting worse and worse, but it didn't really bother me because I thought it would all be over soon and it wouldn't bother me once I'd had the baby. How fucking wrong was I? Now I look so grotesque I can't even look at myself. I would have taken a picture of my belly to prove how fucking vile it is. It's not just fat, it's saggy. I'm like a fucking OAP! Because I don't have a picture of my belly, here's a picture of how my belly was getting bigger when I was pregnant:
Right, so you see the progression of the bigness, yes? To get an idea of how my belly looks now, imagine popping my october belly with a pin and looking at the deflated, saggy, stretchmarked flump of vileness. Yes, it's that bad. There's no fucking way I'm ever going to get to how I used to look. As I thought I was really fat before, it's pretty obvious I'm never going to look like that again and I fucking hate it. I hate everything about myself. Message to every female in the world: Never get pregnant. It turns you into a monster. Like yeah, I love Ike more than anything in the world and I wouldn't do anything to change having him, but I would do absolutely anything in the whole fucking world to change how I look. >.<
Heh, you've probably had enough of my moaningness, so I'm going to fuck off and get drunk.
2 comments:
Hey there,
How awful that you're feeling so bad.
A few things to remember though:
So, so, so many mothers feel this way. You're most certainly not alone! How you looked into going to some groups of other mothers? At the very least you could all sit around and moan about your bodies together! Could be fun and could boost your spirits a bit! Worth a shot maybe?
Second, don't forget that you'll be able to get into some exercise regimes soon and you can work off the belly, arms, legs and anything else that you're concerned about it.
And there's always bio oil and things for the scars.
I know it feels horrible right now, but lots of mums feel this way and there are ways to fix it.
Don't forget that I'm always here for you any time you need a chat.
I may not have experienced what you're going through, but you know I really care and I'm a pretty good listener =)
Take care
xDFNx
Heya sweetie,
I just wanted to follow up and see if you felt any better recently?
Take care of yourself x
xDFNx
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