THE POX

I have chickenpox. It's really annoying, especially because I've been quite ill with it in the form of a horrid headache, a sore throat and general acheyness. The spots look horrid. It's really difficult to resist scratching them. My nana says she has seen loads of cases of chickenpox, but none as bad as mine. She hasn't even seen any as bad after looking at pics online. I just want the pox to fuck off asap. I'm fed up of staying indoors.
Ike had the pox a couple of weeks ago (I caught them off him) and his whole body had only about as many spots as my arm... and apart from the itchiness, he seemed fine. I wish I'd had it at the age of two. I feel so stupid having a childhood illness at the age of twenty one. I wish I'd had chickenpox as a child. =[

In other news, my coccyx still occasionally hurts, but my foot (not sure whether I blogged about that) seems to be pretty much better.

CoccyxBlog

A few days ago I fell on my arse all theway down the stairs. Apparently I've probably cracked my coccyx. It hurts like a bitch and it's literally agony when I go to sit down or stand up. The hospital gave me cocodamol which did nothing, so I went to see the gp and he prescribed me tramadol. It still fucking hurts... but I think the tramadol is helping a little bit. I even need help putting on my socks and shoes. Little things like that make me realise how lucky I am to be physically healthy most of the time. It also makes me appreciate my grandmother even more than I usually do.

but yeah OWWWWWWWWW!

pooblog

This morning I thought I'd swallowed my tongue bar (after it not happening for months) and obviously thought of the worst case scenario of my entire digestive system being ripped apart. Needless  to say, the tongue bar turned out to be hiding in my bowl of frosties.

An hour or so later, I actually did end up swallowing it...

...So I bought a new one (for a frickin' tenner). Had it in for an hour or so, and yeah, you guessed it... I swallowed this one.

So now I'm going to watch out for shiny things in my shit. Obviously I'm not going to reuse them. I wonder how long it'll take for me to poo them out. hmmm...

But yeah... poo related bloggage is always funny.

boring frickn' update

It's been a while since I blogged. I've been out of hospital for like a month or something. Onlyjust got a new laptop for christmas... so I should be able to blog loads now if I remember to.

Anyhow, I now have boring hair. That's all I'm gonna say about that subject.

And ermmm... yeah... I got loads of awesome stuff for christmas. Not that that's interesting to other people... I'm just trying to blog with a totally blank mind. Basically just a blog post to let people know I'm still alive and stuff lollol.

bleep

So like... I'm tecnically in hospial 'voluntarily'. I'm not really volutary though as they'll section me if I don't stay at the hospital. I'm allowed home for a couple of hours most days so it's a bit more bearable than if  I wasn't 'voluntary'. At least I get to see my little boy without being cooped up in the tiny, boring family room.

Anyhows. I've been in hospital for... I dunno, at least a week I think. I'm crap at being sociable, but I've been venturing away from my bed  so that I can observe people. I've given people nicknames in my head. So far there's Santa, Statueman, Bush (if you read my last blog post you'll know who that is), Usher and Griphook. I'm sure I'll thInk of names for everyone else soon. I'm actually going to make a comic strip thing based on people in there whenever I can be bothered!

But yeah, tonight I'm going to be the only female person on the ward, so I get  a big room to myself. Which means I get to watch star trek in bed without having to use headphones.

Anyways, that was just a quick update. Gotta get my stuff together as I have to be  back at the hospital in 20 mins. Byes.

Hey honey, I'm home... again.

Yesterday was messed up. Was told Ike would die before I woke up this morning if I didn't kill myself last night. I was scared and told my grandmother and I ended up with a choice of going in to hospital voluntarily or being sectioned. Obviously I chose the first option. I was so scared and kept phoning my grandmother to see if Ike was still alive. As much as I hate hospital, I'm actually glad I told my grandmother and ended up there last night instead of acting on anything. I've realised that they are lying bastards and I will doubt their threats more now. Spoke to the psychiarist today and I managed to persuade him to let me go home... so I'm now home again.
Hospital wasn't as bad as it was last week. I discovered a garden and a toilet closer to the sleeping place. So I spent most of today alone in the gardeny place drawing pictures and smoking. It was actually quite pleasent to be honest! Oh, and I had a better bed than before.Hospital still sucked anus though and I'm glad to be out!
Gonna get pizza from dominoes in a bit... and I don't feel guilty spending so much money on it because I'm not spending money on booze at the moment!
Bye.

#omgiforgottorightaboutthis5minsago:

Last night was traumatic. Firstly, there was a pair of knickers on the radiator. Secondly, some (rather unattractive) woman got changed right in front of me. Thirdly, the same person fell asleep with her minge hanging out. She was lying on top of the blankets and her nightie had gone up and she wasn't wearing underwear. The bush was epic. It was mingin'. You'd think someone wearing a nightie in a hospital (or any place with other people) would wear some knickers! Or at least close the curtains around their bed! *shudders*

Chinese Eyebrows.

So I've spent most of the day in the hospital. I was only going to go get my blood stolen and pulse and blood pressure checked, but they asked me too many questions and because my grandmother told me to be honest I was... so I ended up having to see the psychiatwat and I was waiting around all day. Fucking sucked. And the home treatment team car thing smells like cat food. Vile.

But still, I'm going to have a chinese. Ike is all excited about having 'oodles'. I love my little boy so freakin' much. Not really sure what to write today, but I'm trying to update my blog as much as possible at the moment. I guess I'll just write a load of crap.

I've plucked a little bit of my grandmother's eyebrows. She's never had them plucked before and she can already see a big difference even though I'd barely even started when Ike was climbing all over us. I can't believe someones eyebrows can be there for 60 years never having seen a pair of tweezers! O_o

Ooohh yay! 5 minutes until the chinesey place opens. =D =D =D I'm gonna go write a list of what I want so my grandad can go fetch it for me. Hoooooobletoodledooo!

Fucking eurgh.

Eurgh. Sitting in my grandparentals house with a can of diet coke. Blogging because stuff sucks at the moment so I'm blogging about it because once again the grandmother thinks it's a good idea. Pretty certain I don't want everyone I know knowing all this, but not many people will read this anyway and if they do and judge me because of it, they can go fuck themselves.

Stupid shit happened on Tuesday night. Ended up being taken to hospital by the police (my wrist still hurts if I poke it because of the handcuffs) and I got section 136ified. I had to stay until Saturday. I hated it. It was full of people and I have an inability to talk to people I don't know. On top of that, everyone was at least 10 years older than me so it made it even more thinyey. So I stayed on my bed for the entire time apart from the occasional trip to the smoking room and toilet. Didn't eat anything that didn't come in a sealed thing because they were trying to poison me. The place freaked me the fuck out. I'm so glad to be home. Oh yeah and lollol my auntie visited me in hospital and gave me a box of chocolates like I was in there because I was actually ill or somethig lol.

Still have to go to the hospital for a bit every day because of the clozapine, which sucks. Today I spent hours there because my pulse was very high and I ended up having to have an ECG. There was lots of waiting around and I didn't have my fags or phone with me because I didn't expect to be there for as long as I was (3 and a half frickin' hours). And OMG there's this woman from the home treatment team who never shuts up. Hello, do I look like I give a shit about your rabbits?!

Not much has changed since Tuesday night and right now I just want to hide from everything... in like a cupboard or something but I don't have a cupboard so I just have to hide inside my hoodie. The grandmother persuaded me to go to Tesco with her this afternoon. I didn't like it at all. Dunno what I'm gonna do today. Probably gonna have a bath or something later and try not to do anything that'll make me end up in hospital again.

But yeah, that will be all.

Added on bit:

FFS. Just found out that if I drink alcohol at all and they find out  they'll stop the clozapine and I'll end  up back in hospital. It's not fucking fair.  I just want a a vodka and coke. =[

Bloggywogwog

So, another blog post about this shit. It's so weird openly writing about stuff like this!

I'm freaking out. I'm starting the clozapine or whatever it's called tomorrow. Dreading having to be in hospital for 3 hours every day for 2 weeks. I hope my grandmother will be able to stay there with me.  If she can't it'll be a lot more scary. I keep being told that they're going to poison me, so I'm just a teensy, tiny bit terrified!

I'm going out tonight. Hopefully a bit of alcohol will make me forget about stuff a little bit. If it doesn't, I can always start a conversation about Star Trek or Dr Kawashima's Fanny Training to distract me from stuff. Silly drunken conversations obviously fix everything! :P Obviously I'm not going to get too drunk as I have a blood test in the morning and I don't want boozey blood. Not sure how I'll cope with a crowded pub tonight, but I guess if it gets too thingying I can just go out for a cigarette or ten. It'll probably all turn out hoobygroovily! #optimismftw

Anyhow, on to less thingyey stuffles...

Ike is as amazing as always. He needs a haircut though. :(  His hair is so long, beautiful and curly, but it keeps going into is eyes. I don't wanna cut my baby's hair. MOOOOOO!

Bleep. CBA blogging anymore right now, so like... hoobletoodledoo.

Revolutionary blog post in Stanland.

Hello. It's been freakin' ages since I last updated my blog. Mainly because I've had crap all to say that I can actually permit myself to write about. This morning I thought to myself 'fuck it'. I'm going to start writing about shit that I never ever ever blog about because I'm afraid to write about it in case someone I know reads about it. I've realised that I shouldn't be ashamed of any of it, so I'm gonna have a bit of a rant.

In the last like year and a half I've been on so many different tablets (fluoxetine, sertraline, duloxetine (those 3 are ADs so they don't really count in this blog post, I'm just listing things), quetiapine, risperidone and haloperidol) and they're doing fuck all. So the psychiacunt is putting me on Clozapine (I think that's what it's called). I'm pretty scared about it (hence writing about it- if anyone has any experience with taking it, sharing would be most welcome). I'm going to have to have weekly blood tests and for a while when I start taking it I'm going to have to go to hospital for like a few hours a day so they can monitor me or something. The stuff I've read about it sounds pretty scary. I'm really rather scared. I would refuse to take it, but I'm willing to try anything to make stuff go away. If it can fix stuff everything in my life would be a lot easier.

Scary shit has been happening recently. It's not all that different from the scary shit that usually happens, but my son is now inolved in it, so recently every second is an epic struggle. I just want everything to be good for ike. I'm not going to go into detail about stuff, but I'm just going to say that stuff is not hoobygroovy. There's like a paradoxy thing going on and RARRRR. Stuff is a little messed up, so I'm definitely going to try the clozapine.

But yeah, I never post about this stuff, but I'm doing so partly so I can try and get other people's experiences, partly because my grandmother said blogging about it might be therapeutic and partly because I've given up caring about what people think. It feels so weird being so open in my blog, but it feels weirdly good writing about stuff so I'll probably end up writing about this more in future.

The Love List (and recent news)

A (rather pointless) list of things I love right now... Not including the stuff I alwas love like Isaac, my pets, The Hoobs, Star Trek, Morrissey etc.

1. The fact that spiderman sketti shapes are one of your 5 a day.

2. The gruffalo.

3. Malteasers.

4. Strawberry spock-shakes. (Strawberry milkshake made in a spock glass)

5. Dragonage: Origins... Actually, sexbox in general.

6. Not being hungover.

7. Spraying spray cream into my mouth.

8. Swimming (with special thanks to my rash vest).

9. Poundland.

10. Bollocks. I can't think of any more.

Recent news:

Ike was beatboxing last night. It was hilarious. He's getting really grown up. He understands pretty much everything you say to him. Oh, and he's saying loads of words now. I've taken him swimming (which I've just rediscovered after 8 years) twice in the last couple of weeks and he absolutely hated it both times. He cried the entire time... I guess he'll get used to it though.

Swimming is amazing. I'm so happy I found a solution to my whole lack of being able to go swimming problem. I'm a bit pissed off now though because I have a stupid fucking period and all I wanna do is go swimming... but I can't because of that. Yeah, I could use a tampon, but even that seems effing gross in a swimming pool. =[

And OMFG I went to asda today and I bought sanitry towels without getting someone else to go for them for the first time ever! XD  I feel like a proper grown up.

Erm yeah... away from swimming and periods and swimming and periods.

I don't think I've blogged about this, but my little Morrissey died the other week. He's now buried in the garden. I miss him loads. He was like my best friend. =[

Anyhow... I'm gonna go get Ike ready for bed now. HoobletoodledooO!

The Hate List

Hoobledoop bloggosphere. I know I've abandoned you recently, but I thought this'd be an appropriate place to write a hate list ... because I hate a lot of things right now.

1. The general population of earth-inhabiting fuckers. (List of specific people is currently being written elsewhere where people can't read, get offended and kill off people on my like list one by one.)

2. The overuse of commas.

3. More or less than three dots being used when people try to use an ellipsis. (I would add the overuse of the ellipsis to the list, but I'm guilty of that one :P).

4. The internet being a twat.

5. My habit of spending too much money on alcohol, only to end up severely hungover for an entire day afterwards. Makes drinking seem incredibly pointless.

6. Having to wait epic amounts of time for appointments that are supposed to be at a specific time.

7. Seeing people I know in the shops and having to talk to them.

8. The fact that I have just rediscovered swimming after like 8 years, but can't go because of stoopid twunty periods.

9. Me and Ike having to sleep on the sofa every night because I'm too damn lazy to finish off Ike's room.

10. Getting stuck on sexbox games. 

11.  Spelling checkers not allowing 'hoobledoop',  but allowing 'sexbox' and 'twunty'.

12. Swallowing big tablets.

13. Not being able to see the tv properly if I sit on the floor.

14. People making me panads with nowhere near enough sugar in them.

15. My grandfather's singing voice.

16. The shape of my saggy belly.

17. People who promise things and then don't stick to what they've said.

18. People confusing me with unexpected sarcasm.

19. Getting my hopes up about getting post, but it turning out to be post for previous residents of my house.

20. Skinny people... especially when they're skinny after having a baby!

21. Crotch holes in jeans.

22. Crowded shops.

23. The paint that wont come out of the sleeve of Ike's coolest ACDC top.

24. Not being able to find an outfit that looks good with my awesome leggings.

25. Spending money on things that turn out to be shit. (bought the most vile cheese pasty earlier,  but had to eat it because I couldn't afford to waste money)

26. People dictating to me how I should raise MY son.

I'll add more tomorrow. I may even write a love list. =]

For Purpleyyy.

Quick blog post before I go to sleep... just for the purple one because she seems desperate to read blogs! :P

Humdeeehummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Deedooobedoooo! Blippedybleep. Blop. Pinggggggg! Zap. Drooovaloop, crazolk. Zipppppipppppppppppoppppppppppppppppppp!

That will be all.

=]

temporary post...

HELPPPPPP!!!!!!

Basically, I'm trying to rearrange my living room. Ike keeps taking the CDs off the big CD rack and almost pulling the thing over on himself. So I need to put it somewhere it's unlikely to tip over/somewhere hard for a baby to get to. I've moved it right across the room into a corner, but a) it restricts access to my DVDs and b) it's in front of a pluggy inny place.
So, Here's my living room from 3 different angles:

  So yeah, does anyone have any idea where things should go?

List of important furniture that needs to be in places:
CD rack,

Mildred the sofa (the ugly one).

Sammy the sofa (the sexy one).

Black coffee table thing. 

Ideas would be appreciated!

Weird dream/nightmare/whatever.

Had a really fucking weird and pretty scary dream-type-thing last night.

It was like real life. I basically woke up. Ike was still in bed next to me like he was when I went to sleep. I got him up and dressed and went downstairs. I was completely in control of everything I did and at this point I didn't know I was dreaming. I was just doing general things like I'd do on an average morning. I only found out it was a dream because there was an extra room in my house (which I originally thought was just a room I'd never noticed before) and eventually weird shit started happening in it. When I realised it must be a dream, I spent ages trying to wake myself up. It started with pinching myself and trying to tell myself to wake up. I could feel pain exactly like I would in real life. I kept trying to wake myself up. I was screaming and screaming. I put my entire arm in the fire thing in the new room. It hurt like fuck, but I still didn't wake up. It was futile. I can't remember how I eventually woke up, but I know that when I woke up I had tears all down my face and I wasn't sure if anything was real or it was still a dream.

I've had some weird dreams before, but this was definitely the weirdest night of my life. I hope it never happens again.

xxxxxxxbighugzzzhunniiiiiixxxxxxxxx

Finally, something to blog about!

For years, I've felt extremely uncomfortable with general signs of affection. Everything from hugs to putting Xs at the end of stuff. Yeah, I'll hug anyone when I'm drunk, but when I'm sober it's a different matter.When I'm drunk people tend to think I'm more of a normal, person because of that! XD However, when sober (which, unfortunately is most of the time) I hate hugs and everything. I'd say in real (sober) life I'm kinda like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory when it comes to affection.

People think it's weird that I rarely put Xs at the end of shit online and in texts. There are a couple of people that I force myself to Xify online because I'm afraid it'll result in people being twatty with me and therefore the loss of friends/drinking buddies. I don't know why I hate doing it so much. It just makes me feel way too awkward for my liking.

Anyhow, thanks to the genius of The Purple One, I've come up with a way to do the whole X thing without feeling awkward. Because I hate over the top 'big hugz hunniiiii xxxxxxx <3' shit, I'm gonna do that to everyone at the end of everything for at least 24 hours to see how it goes. Doing the thing I hate in an over the top manner might simultaneously make it highly amusing and make me look less weird. It's gonna be hilarious.

So like, BIG HUGZZZZ MY HUNNEEEEZ! <3<3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S. I'm officially a trainee trekkie and I'm becoming a little obsessed with Star Trek! XD

I baked!

I've been baking... 

I made these: 

A giant, chocolatey cheerio...

The top bit is supposed to say 'Charlotte' in Japanese... #epicfail. The bottom bit says 'SaTAN'. It originally just said 'STAN', but that was boring.

Boring ones...

I then played with the chocolate for a bit. I need to grow up! :P

And yeah, most people reading this probably know about this from twitter. I just thought it was vaguely bloggable about! XD

Oh, and you can find the biscuity recipe here. =]

And just like every time I bake, I must say that I really enjoyed it and I'm going to start baking more often. :P

Bank: The GOOSEFANNY of the clothes shopping world.

Spent ages writing a blog. Deleted it because I'm so fucking pissed off and have to blog about something else.


I went to Bank (the clothes shop, not the HSBC or anything) today. I bought a top. Didn't try it on because I have a thing about changing rooms and never ever ever try stuff on in shops. The size I got was large. I expected it to be baggy on me because yeah, I may be a lot fatter than I used to be, but I'm not exactly massive. I tried it on about half an hour ago. I only just managed to get my arms through the arm thingys and it wouldn't fasten at all. IT WAS NOT FUCKING LARGE! It was tiny. It would probably fit my 11 year old cousin. Usually a medium would fit me quite nicely, but no... large was extremely small on me. Yeah, I'm pissed off at myself for getting so fat, but I'm even more pissed off at Bank. Having sizes like that is the kind of thing that fuels eating disorders and shit. I'm apparently a healthy weight for my height. I know I need to lose weight to be the size I want to be, but the point is that I'm a healthy weight and a large top was too small for me. It's fucking ridiculous. So yeah, I'm a healthy weight yet I'm fat according to this fucking shop. I'm going to boycott Bank (even though they sell awesome shoes). Even if I manage to lose a lot of weight, I'm still going to avoid shopping there. Stupid fucking cunt of a shop! >.<

Anyhow... in other news, I spent over £100 today so I wont be able to afford much food to nom for a while so hopefully that will help me lose weight and become what society (or just twatty shops like Bank) want me to be. At least I have a table and two chairs (hopefully that's enough to accomodate my fat arse) for the garden!

Whoooooooooosssssssssshhhhhhhhh. I'm going to drink some alcomavag.

Ponderings...

I'm not sure how to word this, so bear with me...

I've been trying to work out how people are so open on their blogs. Like there's loads I want to blog and tweet about, but I'm not sure I want the whole world knowing too much shit about me. I don't particularly want people to know, but I want to be able to blog and tweet about it. Make sense? Thought not. So yeah, how the fuck do people manage to be so open about stuff?

Meep. I just want to be able to openly moan about shit! :P

Meh- off to watch Waterloo Road.

Sign on the door of Costa...

WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY SELL THEN?! O_o

And they spelled inconvenience wrong... I think.