Bloggywogwog

So, another blog post about this shit. It's so weird openly writing about stuff like this!

I'm freaking out. I'm starting the clozapine or whatever it's called tomorrow. Dreading having to be in hospital for 3 hours every day for 2 weeks. I hope my grandmother will be able to stay there with me.  If she can't it'll be a lot more scary. I keep being told that they're going to poison me, so I'm just a teensy, tiny bit terrified!

I'm going out tonight. Hopefully a bit of alcohol will make me forget about stuff a little bit. If it doesn't, I can always start a conversation about Star Trek or Dr Kawashima's Fanny Training to distract me from stuff. Silly drunken conversations obviously fix everything! :P Obviously I'm not going to get too drunk as I have a blood test in the morning and I don't want boozey blood. Not sure how I'll cope with a crowded pub tonight, but I guess if it gets too thingying I can just go out for a cigarette or ten. It'll probably all turn out hoobygroovily! #optimismftw

Anyhow, on to less thingyey stuffles...

Ike is as amazing as always. He needs a haircut though. :(  His hair is so long, beautiful and curly, but it keeps going into is eyes. I don't wanna cut my baby's hair. MOOOOOO!

Bleep. CBA blogging anymore right now, so like... hoobletoodledoo.

Revolutionary blog post in Stanland.

Hello. It's been freakin' ages since I last updated my blog. Mainly because I've had crap all to say that I can actually permit myself to write about. This morning I thought to myself 'fuck it'. I'm going to start writing about shit that I never ever ever blog about because I'm afraid to write about it in case someone I know reads about it. I've realised that I shouldn't be ashamed of any of it, so I'm gonna have a bit of a rant.

In the last like year and a half I've been on so many different tablets (fluoxetine, sertraline, duloxetine (those 3 are ADs so they don't really count in this blog post, I'm just listing things), quetiapine, risperidone and haloperidol) and they're doing fuck all. So the psychiacunt is putting me on Clozapine (I think that's what it's called). I'm pretty scared about it (hence writing about it- if anyone has any experience with taking it, sharing would be most welcome). I'm going to have to have weekly blood tests and for a while when I start taking it I'm going to have to go to hospital for like a few hours a day so they can monitor me or something. The stuff I've read about it sounds pretty scary. I'm really rather scared. I would refuse to take it, but I'm willing to try anything to make stuff go away. If it can fix stuff everything in my life would be a lot easier.

Scary shit has been happening recently. It's not all that different from the scary shit that usually happens, but my son is now inolved in it, so recently every second is an epic struggle. I just want everything to be good for ike. I'm not going to go into detail about stuff, but I'm just going to say that stuff is not hoobygroovy. There's like a paradoxy thing going on and RARRRR. Stuff is a little messed up, so I'm definitely going to try the clozapine.

But yeah, I never post about this stuff, but I'm doing so partly so I can try and get other people's experiences, partly because my grandmother said blogging about it might be therapeutic and partly because I've given up caring about what people think. It feels so weird being so open in my blog, but it feels weirdly good writing about stuff so I'll probably end up writing about this more in future.