Hey honey, I'm home... again.

Yesterday was messed up. Was told Ike would die before I woke up this morning if I didn't kill myself last night. I was scared and told my grandmother and I ended up with a choice of going in to hospital voluntarily or being sectioned. Obviously I chose the first option. I was so scared and kept phoning my grandmother to see if Ike was still alive. As much as I hate hospital, I'm actually glad I told my grandmother and ended up there last night instead of acting on anything. I've realised that they are lying bastards and I will doubt their threats more now. Spoke to the psychiarist today and I managed to persuade him to let me go home... so I'm now home again.
Hospital wasn't as bad as it was last week. I discovered a garden and a toilet closer to the sleeping place. So I spent most of today alone in the gardeny place drawing pictures and smoking. It was actually quite pleasent to be honest! Oh, and I had a better bed than before.Hospital still sucked anus though and I'm glad to be out!
Gonna get pizza from dominoes in a bit... and I don't feel guilty spending so much money on it because I'm not spending money on booze at the moment!
Bye.

#omgiforgottorightaboutthis5minsago:

Last night was traumatic. Firstly, there was a pair of knickers on the radiator. Secondly, some (rather unattractive) woman got changed right in front of me. Thirdly, the same person fell asleep with her minge hanging out. She was lying on top of the blankets and her nightie had gone up and she wasn't wearing underwear. The bush was epic. It was mingin'. You'd think someone wearing a nightie in a hospital (or any place with other people) would wear some knickers! Or at least close the curtains around their bed! *shudders*

Sensibleness!

I know this is probably pretty obvious stuff to most people... but I feel rather clever for thinking of it. It'll probably end up saving me a lot of money!

Instead of typing stuff like this whilst online, if I type it all offline (like I am currently doing) and only go online to actually post it, I'll be using up a lot less time and shizz on my mobile broadbandy thingy and hopefully I'll have to top it up less often.

A lot of time I spend on the internet (apart from when I'm on facebook, twitter or various forums) just involes reading random crap... So if I open a page that has a lot of stuff I wanna read on it, I'll just disconnect for the amount of time it takes to read it all. Clever, innit! =D

Sometimes if Isaac is whingey, the only thing I have found that will actually calm him down is playing him the video of Common People by Pulp (yes, I have a fucking awesome baby!)... So I now have the video (on youtube) constantly open in a tab, so whenever he gets whingey I can play it straight away without having to go online.

So yes, as a person who is used to being online pretty much constantly and never going offline, I'm pretty impressed with myself! XD

I'm also pretty impressed with myself because I've been washing things quite soon after using them. I've also constantly had at least three super-clean bottles in the steriliser, so he hasn't had to wait long if he wants a bottle and I haven't prepared one... I even have an emergency supply of ready-made milky shizz in the cupboard in case I don't have time to boil water, let it cool down and mix the powder stuff into it. I'm so fucking organized! The flat is messy, but stuff is clean. I've managed to go through a whole bottle of dettol since last night. I even made myself food last night. Yeah, it tasted like shite (twas cheap asda macaroni cheese shizz that I probably cooked wrong) and I didn't eat all of it because it was gross, but I still made it!

Last night was my first full night alone in the flat with Isaac. We had a half-night here last week, but we ended up going to my grandparents house in the middle of the night because Isaac was crying a lot and wouldn't shut up and I didn't know what to do with him (turned out he was constipated). We then spent two nights here when my mother decided to stay with us. I think I coped pretty well with him last night. Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's still a dirty nappy (peed not pooped) on my bedroom floor and Isaac is wearing a terrible looking outfit (because I couldn't figure out how to put his dungarees on him), but he's still alive! He seems pretty happy and stuff. He's asleep now, so I can tidy up and whatnot... Maybe I'll make lunch or something.

Heh, it feels so weird having to look after both myself and another human and also having to clean things and be all grown up! XD

Shizzle...

I don't have much to write about today because I wrote about all the super-weird stuff here. I'm just going to write about some other shizz here.

It's been a weird day. Not a good day at all, but calling it a bad day would kind of be lying because I actually quite enjoyed most of it apart from the really bad bits. The good and the bad sort of balance eachother out today to make it a neutral day... Although it's been a really weird day, so maybe rather than trying to work out whether it was great or shit, I should just focus on the oddness of it all.

I went to Manchesterland. I was helping babysit the half-brother and shopping. I was pushing him round the shops for a few hours. I looked really weird though because:
a) I knew that all the random strangers thought I was his mother... He's 2 but I think he looks kind of older and I'm 18 but look younger (although apparently I look older now I'm pregnant), so they must have thought I got pregnant when I was about 12. o_O Didn't really bother me though, because I don't give a fuck what people think and I know for a fact that I'm definitely not his mother!
And b) We were coincidentally wearing almost identical shirts with jeans and have the same colour hair... We actually looked kind of like clones and it was rather scary!

His pushchair was so hard to control! It was worse than a shopping trolley and now I'm worried about how difficult the one I get will be to control! I'm so glad he was in his pushchair when we went round all teh shops though. Went to Sainsbury's later on without the pushchair and he was a nightmare. I learned quite a lot about looking after 2 year olds today... should come in useful in like 2 years. XD

Anyhows, I spent a fuckload of money today! I bought a hoobacious moses basket, a baby sleeping bag thingy, some awesome (if somewhat overpriced) clothes from Pumpkin Patch (the one with the stars [gosh, i hate it when i buy something and find it cheaper online] and some of those things babies wear that are somewhere between shoes and socks), a Remy (from Ratatouille) plushie thing, a disney phone toy thing for my half-brother that was probably not worth the £8 I spent on it but was still pretty cool and general junk foody items. It all came to like £100 or something. I still have loads of money left though... Ooohh... I got a letter telling me that people are going to give me more money than I thought they were going to and it's pretty hoobacious! =D I love that I finally have money that wasn't given to me by grandparents!

Heh, I'm gonna stop writing now because I'm not being very interesting! I'm turning into such a boring person! Hoobletoodledoo!

new hamster and stuff..

Yesterday I impulsively bought a hamster. He is so cute. He's called Jarvis Wolfgang Stardust (or just jarvis...) Being in my bedroom is kind of like being in some sort of rodent sanctuary..

Yesterday was once again rather random. Walked round Bangor with toy swords and Herbie the monkey (who i spent 6 quid on trousers for =/)... I think I need to stop impulsively spending my money =/ I had about £80 at the start of the week.. I seem to have spent it all in the last 2 days!

I've now set myself a challenge not to spend any money unnecessarily for a whole month. It's going to be hard but it needs to be done!

*will possibly elaborate on this shizz later*