The perfect friend...

I've been pondering and I've decided I need a new friend, but it has to meet the following criteria:

1) Lives directly across the road from me so we can do the tin can walkie talkie thingy.
2) Loves The Hoobs and will watch it with me on a daily basis.
3) Can have loads of fun without the need for alcohol.
4) Likes to take photos and always has a camera with them.
5) Will go on late night adventures.
6) Likes to sit on roofs and walls.
7) Is super-cool, but not too popular.
8) Likes to talk utter nonsense.
9) Is willing to get drunk and steal garden gnomes.
10) Has a very eclectic music taste.
11) Loves to go to gigs.
12) Enjoys playing Mario Kart but isn't too obsessed with it.
13) Will start a shitty band with me.
14) Likes camping.
15) Isn't fake or shallow.
16) Is almost as childish as I am.
17) Doesn't respect the law too much.
18) Can have deep conversations over a panad.
19) Likes making things.
20) Smokes.
21) Enjoys dressing up like an idiot.
22) Will have the occasional game of football.
23) Likes picnics.
24) Is vegetarian.
25) Doesn't like talking on telephones.
26) Has a filthy mind.
27) Will sit for hours in the pub talking about falafel or something equally as odd.
28) Likes food fights and water fights.
29) Likes swimming in lakes and the sea.
30) Has a car.
31) Likes to occasionally gossip.
32) Likes weird movies.
33) Will explore new places with me.
34) Is a pyromaniac.
35) Is not obsessed with make-up.
36) Will come see the squigglytiddlypeep when he's born.
37) Has a sick sense of humour.
38) Hates Alan Carr.
39) Loves Morrissey.
40) Comments on my blog.
41) Doesn't create too many awkward moments.
42) Has a female dog who could be doggy friends with Polly.
43) Is a grammar and spelling nazi.
44) Is intelligent.
45) Likes to hang out outside in the rain.
46) Enjoys drawing on walls.
47) Would happily hang out up a tree.
48) Is never too busy to have fun.
49) Teaches me to do cool things.
50) Bakes cakes with me.
51) Does stupid things a lot.
52) Is a vampire.
53) Is a big Harry Potter fan.
54) Is not easily offended.
55) Loves pokemon, but not all the new stuff.
56) Has lots of inside jokes with me.
57) Is a complete weirdo.
58) Loves caffeine.
59) Will joke about inappropriate things.
60) Likes animals, but not in inappropriate ways.
61) Likes spending time in graveyards.
62) Is easy to talk to about any subject.
63) Is honest.
64) Will laugh if I get hurt but also check to see if I'm ok.
65) Likes japanese stuff but not to the extent that a weeaboo likes it.
66) Respects my weirdness.
67) Wants to hang out a lot but isn't too clingy.
68) Will do freaky experiments with me.
69) Isn't racist, homophobic or any other kind of predudiceyyy thing.

So does anyone out there meet the criteria? Or at least most of it? It's highly unlikely, but if you are that person- get in touch! :P

Yes, I am very bored today!

*giggles at the fact she listed 69 things*