Dreamishness.

It's been a while since I blogged. I haven't really had the time. In the last month, my life has been particularly hectic with having a baby and stuff. I'm not complaining though- Isaac is hoobygroovy! He's currently asleep on me. I've also been gradually moving into my 'flat'. It now has a fridge, so it's very liveable in. It still lacks a bed though.

Last night I had a very weird dream. It was raining heavy footballs. I was in an odd building thing. I think it was supposed to be a school or something... but it was more like Hogwarts than the school I used to go to. The building was absolutely destroyed by the balls and a load of people were killed. Later on in the dream, I was shopping for Christmas cards and slightly infuriated at the amount of Winnie The Pooh cards and the lack of interesting cards. It wasn't the most interesting dream I've ever had, but I'm sure it was the only dream I've had for a few weeks. I'm usually pretty good with remembering dreams, but I haven't had one for so long that this seemed like a novelty.

Apparently I was talking in my sleep lastnight too. I haven't had any reports of that happening for a while either. It was probably because I had an Isaacless night as the grandmother was looking after him for a change. With a baby, sleep seems to happen even less than it used to... Well, not ages ago... but when I was pregnant, I'd started sleeping a lot more than I have done for many years and I kinda got used to it. Although it might just have been because I was inebriated when I went to sleep (for the first time in like 8 or 9 months or something) and it put me into a deeper sleep than I would usually have. Either way, it was fucking great to actually have a dream. I've missed them.

Might blog again some time soonish, whenever Isaac is asleep and I have nothing better to do.

Updateyness!

I haven't written anything in quite a while... In fact, I don't even think I've written anything yet in 2009! I'm going to start writing more... if I remember.

I quit school just over a month ago. I know I have a habit of quitting things and I was trying to kick the habit, but I didn't succeed. It just got so boring! I wish I hadn't quit though. Not doing anything is all good for a couple of weeks but after that it just gets boring. Not being in school is pretty much fucking up my life. I hardly ever see any of my friends and I'm once again back to being completely nocturnal. Meep. My life is back where it was a year ago. I'll find something to occupy my time with eventually... But I want to go back... I really want to go back! I miss the vending machine with all the Red Devil in it.

It's my 18th birthday in 19 days. I'm surprisingly unexcited. I don't want to grow up! There's also that really awkward thing about recieving presents. It's not that I hate getting new stuff, I just don't like the thought that people could have spent the money they spent on me on something they needed and I know I haven't done anything to warrant recieving presents anyway. I guess it's a weird guilt thing.

I really want to go to a different country... even if it's only for a couple of days (and no, I don't mean england!). The last time I left the UK was when I was 14. I went to Ypres and The Somme with school. It was pretty awesome... I think... All I really remember is that there were loads of awesome signs (see picture ^ up there somewhere), I got really cheap candyfloss from a little chocolate shop, the teachers fucked up the vegetarian meals one day so they just bought us a load of chocolate and we went in loads of graveyards. I really need to go somewhere! I'm so tempted to just bugger off to Paris one weekend... I'd hate to go alone though, so I probably wont.

I'll write again later when I have something more interesting to write.

beauty, glue and zen buddhism

This blog may or may not be coherent. I had it well structured in my head about half an hour ago, but then I kind of forgot about it and remembered it, so yeah...

A year ago things were slipping to say the least. Currently, nothing's perfect but it's a lot less unperfect than it was this time last year. I'm rather happy with right now. =]

A year ago I was living in Manchester. I miss it a lot and still agree that it's a better place than Wales. I loved it there, but I've realised that I definitely prefer not living with my mum. It's not because I don't like my mum, it's just that we're not compatible in a residential environment.
Manchester was beautiful. The buildings were a lot more interesting than the ones here. I liked all the variation in the structure and architecture there. I found all the graffiti and dark alleys and stuff beautiful (not that there's not any of that stuff here, but it fits in better with Manchester). I've always found beauty in decay, and the beauty in urban decay is no different. Wales is beautiful too, but in a more stereotypical way with the beauty in nature and whatnot and there's still a satisfactory amount of urban decay. Meep. I wanna say something about chav culture here but I can't think what to say... Fuck it, there's beauty everywhere!!

I've been learning all about Zen Buddhism (for sociology homework which now has diet coke spilled all over it) and it seems to make more sense than most religions/philosophies/whatever.

Ooohh... on Sunday, I was fixing a yoyo and got superglue all over my hands. Stupidly, I rubbed my eye and couldn't move my finger from it. I felt like a right retard sitting in A&E with my finger stuck to my eye. Eventually my finger got seperated. Unfortunately, my eye is still glued together. I have a patch on it and people keep making pirate jokes. The pirate jokes were funny at first (like the whole situation was!) but now I'm getting fed up of them. I'm also fed up of only being able to use one eye. I wonder how long it'll take for my eye to open. So far no amount of water, soap, salt, vaseline and other random crap has worked. My eye is so fucking itchy and annoying. It's gone all swollen and ick. Cyanoacrylate is evil! But still, LOL@me :P

In applied sciency biologyness I got 77% in a test about the heart, the cardiac cycle etc. I was rather proud of that, as I don't think I've got over 50% in a test without cheating for years! I also got 9/20 in psychology and that was without any revision, so yay! I keep doing better in things than I expect. =]

Must dash, need to tidy my desk! Hoobletoodledoooo!

coughspluttermeep

I should be in sociology right now. Instead, I'm stuck at home constantly coughing. Ventolin seemed to help for a bit, but I don't want to accidentally overdose on it or anything, so I'm going easy on the Ventolin.

I fucking love the postman! Today I got 2 bits of post... The most boring bank statement ever and Who Killed Amanda Palmer!
Who Killed Amanda Palmer is fucking amazing! =]

As well as having a hoobacious CD, I just had the best jam I've ever had on my toast. It was yummy yummy yummy.

Urgh. I hate having a lack of breathing properlyness >.< I actually WANT to be in school today!

Meeplemop. I guess I can have a day of Amanda Palmer, hoobage and tea...

stufffff

People are cocks I tell thee... COCKKKSSSS!!!! I'm so fucking sick of everybody and I don't even know why. =/ Gosh... Aren't I just a bundle of joy!

Anyway. I'm not going to pretend I'm against material possessions, but I do think they are the root of all evil.

Meh! I really can't be bothered elaborating on anything at the moment but meep.

I'm seriously considering dropping out of school.

Itchy itchy itchy.

Meep.

Hoobletoodledoo

Back to school!

Today was the first day of school. It was weird being back there after such a long time and it was even weirder not being in the same year as most of my friends. I was dreading it. I was really freaking out. I feel silly now though because it was rather hoobacious! I'm actually vaguely looking forward to tomorrow!

Heh. The careers advisor made a horrible grammatical error. It almost made my brain disintegrate. She wrote 'Pro's and con's' on the thingy. I'm 150% there's not supposed to be apostrophes before s in either of those words!

Today we made the discovery of riboflavin, a liquid substance which is extracted from socks.

I'm so sleepy. I've been awake for ages and ages. I think I'm going to go to sleep soon.
Short blog but meep. Nighty night.

Smoke!

Y'know that thing that happens when you look through smoke? The one where everything goes all wobbly and distorted? Well, I've just realised that that's like life... Everything's ok, but it seems a lot worse than it is. Like, right now I'm about to go back to school after almost a year of doing fuck all after quitting college. I miss college, I wish I hadn't quit, but would I really want to still be in my mothers house? I'm back with the grandparents. I like it here. I'm majorly freaked out about going to school (mainly because I'll be a year behind all my friends and I'm half convinced I'll quit it after a few weeks). But the thing is, even though school is shit, I'm living where I want to live (well, with the people I want to live with at least because Wales sucks!). I've come up with lots of goals. I know what I want to do with my life (well... kind of, until I'm 22...). Everything is hoobacious, but there's loads of smoke making it seem less hoobacious than it actually is. Meep lol! I'm rambling!

In the next 2 weeks, I plan to sort out my bedroom, somehow lose weight, revisit GCSE stuff because it's been over a year and I don't remember any of it (it might come in handy...) and do a few pieces of art stuff just in case school stuff piles up and I don't have enough time to do some art stuff or anything. See. I'm doing stuff! I can't believe I'm going to spend my last couple of weeks of freedom doing this! XD

And another thing, I need to look cool (well, not cool... but like me, not a clone of everyone else) in school... but I can't find the type of clothes I want anywhere! I think I'm going to look through all the charity shops or something.

Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing about this crap and actually get on with it! Hoobletoodledoo!

Currently listening to: Abigail's Mercy - Meaningless
Currently drinking: Evian water... yum!
Currently located: On the floor by the sofa

re-wind

Hmm... my life seem to have gone back in time a few years. I have a social life, I'm pretty much completely living with the grandparents and I'm going back to school in September. I should be happy about all this because I guess It means I'm vaguely getting back on track and stuff... I'm not though. I hate it. I don't want to go back to school and the social life feels wrong. I'm not great at being sociable. I've been out every day this week.

Monday
Went to a party at a friends house. Got completely wasted. My right arm is completely fucked up. Apparently I fell over the hoover.

Tuesday
Strange lack of hangover. Wandered around Bangor with a friend. Sat around in the graveyard a lot and went to Lidl about 400 times. Discovered a strange smell.

Wednesday
Hung out with another friend. Went to Tesco and bought vegan ice-cream. Sat around on a hill. Spent ages pondering what to do. Walked a lot.

Thursday
Hung out with another friend. Went to Matalan. Went to the cinema to see The Dark Knight. Great film.

Was a fun week. Not satisfied though. It's like my life's on re-wind. It's horrible. I NEED to be alone. I NEED to not be going back to school. I NEED to change in a positive way, not go round in a complete circle re-thinging everything that's ever made me miserable. Not everything obviously, but I KNOW I'm better off without school. So many shit memories from that place. Not to mention the fact that I'm going to be a year behind everyone.

I need to lock myself away... Hide... Disappear... but everyone knows I'm in Bangor. It's like I'm pushing myself way too far, trying to convince people I'm fixing everything. I'd rather not fix things if this is the way I'm going to fix them... But I know I'll carry on pushing myself until I completely snap. Heh.

There hasn't been a single day this week where I haven't consumed alcohol... Oops. I guess it makes socializing more bearable though. =/

Meep. Hoobletoodledoo.

Another rather pointless blog.

Wow... It's rather dark tonight, much like any other night, but it feels darker for some reason. Not entirely sure why though. Oddness.
I had a rather bad hangover today. I had puke in my hair and it was vile! The hangover has gone now though. So hey ho!
I've been filling in the application form for sixth form. There's a part that says 'your interests in school', I'm not sure what to put there.. I was never really interested in school! I'm not really sure what to put in the 'your interests and hobbies out of school' either.. All I really do is sit around on the computer, drink diet coke, draw random things, listen to music and occasionally get rather wasted. I need to think of something to put that makes me sound good. I'm not exactly an A* student or anything. I really need them to let me back into school, otherwise I'll be completely screwed for another year. It's too late to apply to get back into college. Anyways, I think the subjects I'm going to choose are psychology, art, applied science and sociology.
Right now I'm listening to The Eighties Matchbox B-line Disaster and pondering what to do tonight. I might watch lots of FMA or something... I dunno.
I'm bored of writing this now, so hooble toodle doo!