It's been a while since I blogged. I've been out of hospital for like a month or something. Onlyjust got a new laptop for christmas... so I should be able to blog loads now if I remember to.
Anyhow, I now have boring hair. That's all I'm gonna say about that subject.
And ermmm... yeah... I got loads of awesome stuff for christmas. Not that that's interesting to other people... I'm just trying to blog with a totally blank mind. Basically just a blog post to let people know I'm still alive and stuff lollol.
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Friday 14 October 2011
bleep
So like... I'm tecnically in hospial 'voluntarily'. I'm not really volutary though as they'll section me if I don't stay at the hospital. I'm allowed home for a couple of hours most days so it's a bit more bearable than if I wasn't 'voluntary'. At least I get to see my little boy without being cooped up in the tiny, boring family room.
Anyhows. I've been in hospital for... I dunno, at least a week I think. I'm crap at being sociable, but I've been venturing away from my bed so that I can observe people. I've given people nicknames in my head. So far there's Santa, Statueman, Bush (if you read my last blog post you'll know who that is), Usher and Griphook. I'm sure I'll thInk of names for everyone else soon. I'm actually going to make a comic strip thing based on people in there whenever I can be bothered!
But yeah, tonight I'm going to be the only female person on the ward, so I get a big room to myself. Which means I get to watch star trek in bed without having to use headphones.
Anyways, that was just a quick update. Gotta get my stuff together as I have to be back at the hospital in 20 mins. Byes.
Anyhows. I've been in hospital for... I dunno, at least a week I think. I'm crap at being sociable, but I've been venturing away from my bed so that I can observe people. I've given people nicknames in my head. So far there's Santa, Statueman, Bush (if you read my last blog post you'll know who that is), Usher and Griphook. I'm sure I'll thInk of names for everyone else soon. I'm actually going to make a comic strip thing based on people in there whenever I can be bothered!
But yeah, tonight I'm going to be the only female person on the ward, so I get a big room to myself. Which means I get to watch star trek in bed without having to use headphones.
Anyways, that was just a quick update. Gotta get my stuff together as I have to be back at the hospital in 20 mins. Byes.
Friday 30 September 2011
Hey honey, I'm home... again.
Yesterday was messed up. Was told Ike would die before I woke up this morning if I didn't kill myself last night. I was scared and told my grandmother and I ended up with a choice of going in to hospital voluntarily or being sectioned. Obviously I chose the first option. I was so scared and kept phoning my grandmother to see if Ike was still alive. As much as I hate hospital, I'm actually glad I told my grandmother and ended up there last night instead of acting on anything. I've realised that they are lying bastards and I will doubt their threats more now. Spoke to the psychiarist today and I managed to persuade him to let me go home... so I'm now home again.
Hospital wasn't as bad as it was last week. I discovered a garden and a toilet closer to the sleeping place. So I spent most of today alone in the gardeny place drawing pictures and smoking. It was actually quite pleasent to be honest! Oh, and I had a better bed than before.Hospital still sucked anus though and I'm glad to be out!
Gonna get pizza from dominoes in a bit... and I don't feel guilty spending so much money on it because I'm not spending money on booze at the moment!
Bye.
#omgiforgottorightaboutthis5minsago:
Last night was traumatic. Firstly, there was a pair of knickers on the radiator. Secondly, some (rather unattractive) woman got changed right in front of me. Thirdly, the same person fell asleep with her minge hanging out. She was lying on top of the blankets and her nightie had gone up and she wasn't wearing underwear. The bush was epic. It was mingin'. You'd think someone wearing a nightie in a hospital (or any place with other people) would wear some knickers! Or at least close the curtains around their bed! *shudders*
Hospital wasn't as bad as it was last week. I discovered a garden and a toilet closer to the sleeping place. So I spent most of today alone in the gardeny place drawing pictures and smoking. It was actually quite pleasent to be honest! Oh, and I had a better bed than before.Hospital still sucked anus though and I'm glad to be out!
Gonna get pizza from dominoes in a bit... and I don't feel guilty spending so much money on it because I'm not spending money on booze at the moment!
Bye.
#omgiforgottorightaboutthis5minsago:
Last night was traumatic. Firstly, there was a pair of knickers on the radiator. Secondly, some (rather unattractive) woman got changed right in front of me. Thirdly, the same person fell asleep with her minge hanging out. She was lying on top of the blankets and her nightie had gone up and she wasn't wearing underwear. The bush was epic. It was mingin'. You'd think someone wearing a nightie in a hospital (or any place with other people) would wear some knickers! Or at least close the curtains around their bed! *shudders*
Tuesday 27 September 2011
Chinese Eyebrows.
So I've spent most of the day in the hospital. I was only going to go get my blood stolen and pulse and blood pressure checked, but they asked me too many questions and because my grandmother told me to be honest I was... so I ended up having to see the psychiatwat and I was waiting around all day. Fucking sucked. And the home treatment team car thing smells like cat food. Vile.
But still, I'm going to have a chinese. Ike is all excited about having 'oodles'. I love my little boy so freakin' much. Not really sure what to write today, but I'm trying to update my blog as much as possible at the moment. I guess I'll just write a load of crap.
I've plucked a little bit of my grandmother's eyebrows. She's never had them plucked before and she can already see a big difference even though I'd barely even started when Ike was climbing all over us. I can't believe someones eyebrows can be there for 60 years never having seen a pair of tweezers! O_o
Ooohh yay! 5 minutes until the chinesey place opens. =D =D =D I'm gonna go write a list of what I want so my grandad can go fetch it for me. Hoooooobletoodledooo!
But still, I'm going to have a chinese. Ike is all excited about having 'oodles'. I love my little boy so freakin' much. Not really sure what to write today, but I'm trying to update my blog as much as possible at the moment. I guess I'll just write a load of crap.
I've plucked a little bit of my grandmother's eyebrows. She's never had them plucked before and she can already see a big difference even though I'd barely even started when Ike was climbing all over us. I can't believe someones eyebrows can be there for 60 years never having seen a pair of tweezers! O_o
Ooohh yay! 5 minutes until the chinesey place opens. =D =D =D I'm gonna go write a list of what I want so my grandad can go fetch it for me. Hoooooobletoodledooo!
Monday 26 September 2011
Fucking eurgh.
Eurgh. Sitting in my grandparentals house with a can of diet coke. Blogging because stuff sucks at the moment so I'm blogging about it because once again the grandmother thinks it's a good idea. Pretty certain I don't want everyone I know knowing all this, but not many people will read this anyway and if they do and judge me because of it, they can go fuck themselves.
Stupid shit happened on Tuesday night. Ended up being taken to hospital by the police (my wrist still hurts if I poke it because of the handcuffs) and I got section 136ified. I had to stay until Saturday. I hated it. It was full of people and I have an inability to talk to people I don't know. On top of that, everyone was at least 10 years older than me so it made it even more thinyey. So I stayed on my bed for the entire time apart from the occasional trip to the smoking room and toilet. Didn't eat anything that didn't come in a sealed thing because they were trying to poison me. The place freaked me the fuck out. I'm so glad to be home. Oh yeah and lollol my auntie visited me in hospital and gave me a box of chocolates like I was in there because I was actually ill or somethig lol.
Still have to go to the hospital for a bit every day because of the clozapine, which sucks. Today I spent hours there because my pulse was very high and I ended up having to have an ECG. There was lots of waiting around and I didn't have my fags or phone with me because I didn't expect to be there for as long as I was (3 and a half frickin' hours). And OMG there's this woman from the home treatment team who never shuts up. Hello, do I look like I give a shit about your rabbits?!
Not much has changed since Tuesday night and right now I just want to hide from everything... in like a cupboard or something but I don't have a cupboard so I just have to hide inside my hoodie. The grandmother persuaded me to go to Tesco with her this afternoon. I didn't like it at all. Dunno what I'm gonna do today. Probably gonna have a bath or something later and try not to do anything that'll make me end up in hospital again.
But yeah, that will be all.
Added on bit:
FFS. Just found out that if I drink alcohol at all and they find out they'll stop the clozapine and I'll end up back in hospital. It's not fucking fair. I just want a a vodka and coke. =[
Stupid shit happened on Tuesday night. Ended up being taken to hospital by the police (my wrist still hurts if I poke it because of the handcuffs) and I got section 136ified. I had to stay until Saturday. I hated it. It was full of people and I have an inability to talk to people I don't know. On top of that, everyone was at least 10 years older than me so it made it even more thinyey. So I stayed on my bed for the entire time apart from the occasional trip to the smoking room and toilet. Didn't eat anything that didn't come in a sealed thing because they were trying to poison me. The place freaked me the fuck out. I'm so glad to be home. Oh yeah and lollol my auntie visited me in hospital and gave me a box of chocolates like I was in there because I was actually ill or somethig lol.
Still have to go to the hospital for a bit every day because of the clozapine, which sucks. Today I spent hours there because my pulse was very high and I ended up having to have an ECG. There was lots of waiting around and I didn't have my fags or phone with me because I didn't expect to be there for as long as I was (3 and a half frickin' hours). And OMG there's this woman from the home treatment team who never shuts up. Hello, do I look like I give a shit about your rabbits?!
Not much has changed since Tuesday night and right now I just want to hide from everything... in like a cupboard or something but I don't have a cupboard so I just have to hide inside my hoodie. The grandmother persuaded me to go to Tesco with her this afternoon. I didn't like it at all. Dunno what I'm gonna do today. Probably gonna have a bath or something later and try not to do anything that'll make me end up in hospital again.
But yeah, that will be all.
Added on bit:
FFS. Just found out that if I drink alcohol at all and they find out they'll stop the clozapine and I'll end up back in hospital. It's not fucking fair. I just want a a vodka and coke. =[
Tuesday 20 September 2011
Bloggywogwog
So, another blog post about this shit. It's so weird openly writing about stuff like this!
I'm freaking out. I'm starting the clozapine or whatever it's called tomorrow. Dreading having to be in hospital for 3 hours every day for 2 weeks. I hope my grandmother will be able to stay there with me. If she can't it'll be a lot more scary. I keep being told that they're going to poison me, so I'm just a teensy, tiny bit terrified!
I'm going out tonight. Hopefully a bit of alcohol will make me forget about stuff a little bit. If it doesn't, I can always start a conversation about Star Trek or Dr Kawashima's Fanny Training to distract me from stuff. Silly drunken conversations obviously fix everything! :P Obviously I'm not going to get too drunk as I have a blood test in the morning and I don't want boozey blood. Not sure how I'll cope with a crowded pub tonight, but I guess if it gets too thingying I can just go out for a cigarette or ten. It'll probably all turn out hoobygroovily! #optimismftw
Anyhow, on to less thingyey stuffles...
Ike is as amazing as always. He needs a haircut though. :( His hair is so long, beautiful and curly, but it keeps going into is eyes. I don't wanna cut my baby's hair. MOOOOOO!
Bleep. CBA blogging anymore right now, so like... hoobletoodledoo.
I'm freaking out. I'm starting the clozapine or whatever it's called tomorrow. Dreading having to be in hospital for 3 hours every day for 2 weeks. I hope my grandmother will be able to stay there with me. If she can't it'll be a lot more scary. I keep being told that they're going to poison me, so I'm just a teensy, tiny bit terrified!
I'm going out tonight. Hopefully a bit of alcohol will make me forget about stuff a little bit. If it doesn't, I can always start a conversation about Star Trek or Dr Kawashima's Fanny Training to distract me from stuff. Silly drunken conversations obviously fix everything! :P Obviously I'm not going to get too drunk as I have a blood test in the morning and I don't want boozey blood. Not sure how I'll cope with a crowded pub tonight, but I guess if it gets too thingying I can just go out for a cigarette or ten. It'll probably all turn out hoobygroovily! #optimismftw
Anyhow, on to less thingyey stuffles...
Ike is as amazing as always. He needs a haircut though. :( His hair is so long, beautiful and curly, but it keeps going into is eyes. I don't wanna cut my baby's hair. MOOOOOO!
Bleep. CBA blogging anymore right now, so like... hoobletoodledoo.
Monday 19 September 2011
Revolutionary blog post in Stanland.
Hello. It's been freakin' ages since I last updated my blog. Mainly because I've had crap all to say that I can actually permit myself to write about. This morning I thought to myself 'fuck it'. I'm going to start writing about shit that I never ever ever blog about because I'm afraid to write about it in case someone I know reads about it. I've realised that I shouldn't be ashamed of any of it, so I'm gonna have a bit of a rant.
In the last like year and a half I've been on so many different tablets (fluoxetine, sertraline, duloxetine (those 3 are ADs so they don't really count in this blog post, I'm just listing things), quetiapine, risperidone and haloperidol) and they're doing fuck all. So the psychiacunt is putting me on Clozapine (I think that's what it's called). I'm pretty scared about it (hence writing about it- if anyone has any experience with taking it, sharing would be most welcome). I'm going to have to have weekly blood tests and for a while when I start taking it I'm going to have to go to hospital for like a few hours a day so they can monitor me or something. The stuff I've read about it sounds pretty scary. I'm really rather scared. I would refuse to take it, but I'm willing to try anything to make stuff go away. If it can fix stuff everything in my life would be a lot easier.
Scary shit has been happening recently. It's not all that different from the scary shit that usually happens, but my son is now inolved in it, so recently every second is an epic struggle. I just want everything to be good for ike. I'm not going to go into detail about stuff, but I'm just going to say that stuff is not hoobygroovy. There's like a paradoxy thing going on and RARRRR. Stuff is a little messed up, so I'm definitely going to try the clozapine.
But yeah, I never post about this stuff, but I'm doing so partly so I can try and get other people's experiences, partly because my grandmother said blogging about it might be therapeutic and partly because I've given up caring about what people think. It feels so weird being so open in my blog, but it feels weirdly good writing about stuff so I'll probably end up writing about this more in future.
In the last like year and a half I've been on so many different tablets (fluoxetine, sertraline, duloxetine (those 3 are ADs so they don't really count in this blog post, I'm just listing things), quetiapine, risperidone and haloperidol) and they're doing fuck all. So the psychiacunt is putting me on Clozapine (I think that's what it's called). I'm pretty scared about it (hence writing about it- if anyone has any experience with taking it, sharing would be most welcome). I'm going to have to have weekly blood tests and for a while when I start taking it I'm going to have to go to hospital for like a few hours a day so they can monitor me or something. The stuff I've read about it sounds pretty scary. I'm really rather scared. I would refuse to take it, but I'm willing to try anything to make stuff go away. If it can fix stuff everything in my life would be a lot easier.
Scary shit has been happening recently. It's not all that different from the scary shit that usually happens, but my son is now inolved in it, so recently every second is an epic struggle. I just want everything to be good for ike. I'm not going to go into detail about stuff, but I'm just going to say that stuff is not hoobygroovy. There's like a paradoxy thing going on and RARRRR. Stuff is a little messed up, so I'm definitely going to try the clozapine.
But yeah, I never post about this stuff, but I'm doing so partly so I can try and get other people's experiences, partly because my grandmother said blogging about it might be therapeutic and partly because I've given up caring about what people think. It feels so weird being so open in my blog, but it feels weirdly good writing about stuff so I'll probably end up writing about this more in future.
Wednesday 16 February 2011
The Love List (and recent news)
A (rather pointless) list of things I love right now... Not including the stuff I alwas love like Isaac, my pets, The Hoobs, Star Trek, Morrissey etc.
1. The fact that spiderman sketti shapes are one of your 5 a day.
2. The gruffalo.
3. Malteasers.
4. Strawberry spock-shakes. (Strawberry milkshake made in a spock glass)
5. Dragonage: Origins... Actually, sexbox in general.
6. Not being hungover.
7. Spraying spray cream into my mouth.
8. Swimming (with special thanks to my rash vest).
9. Poundland.
10. Bollocks. I can't think of any more.
Recent news:
Ike was beatboxing last night. It was hilarious. He's getting really grown up. He understands pretty much everything you say to him. Oh, and he's saying loads of words now. I've taken him swimming (which I've just rediscovered after 8 years) twice in the last couple of weeks and he absolutely hated it both times. He cried the entire time... I guess he'll get used to it though.
Swimming is amazing. I'm so happy I found a solution to my whole lack of being able to go swimming problem. I'm a bit pissed off now though because I have a stupid fucking period and all I wanna do is go swimming... but I can't because of that. Yeah, I could use a tampon, but even that seems effing gross in a swimming pool. =[
And OMFG I went to asda today and I bought sanitry towels without getting someone else to go for them for the first time ever! XD I feel like a proper grown up.
Erm yeah... away from swimming and periods and swimming and periods.
I don't think I've blogged about this, but my little Morrissey died the other week. He's now buried in the garden. I miss him loads. He was like my best friend. =[
Anyhow... I'm gonna go get Ike ready for bed now. HoobletoodledooO!
1. The fact that spiderman sketti shapes are one of your 5 a day.
2. The gruffalo.
3. Malteasers.
4. Strawberry spock-shakes. (Strawberry milkshake made in a spock glass)
5. Dragonage: Origins... Actually, sexbox in general.
6. Not being hungover.
7. Spraying spray cream into my mouth.
8. Swimming (with special thanks to my rash vest).
9. Poundland.
10. Bollocks. I can't think of any more.
Recent news:
Ike was beatboxing last night. It was hilarious. He's getting really grown up. He understands pretty much everything you say to him. Oh, and he's saying loads of words now. I've taken him swimming (which I've just rediscovered after 8 years) twice in the last couple of weeks and he absolutely hated it both times. He cried the entire time... I guess he'll get used to it though.
Swimming is amazing. I'm so happy I found a solution to my whole lack of being able to go swimming problem. I'm a bit pissed off now though because I have a stupid fucking period and all I wanna do is go swimming... but I can't because of that. Yeah, I could use a tampon, but even that seems effing gross in a swimming pool. =[
And OMFG I went to asda today and I bought sanitry towels without getting someone else to go for them for the first time ever! XD I feel like a proper grown up.
Erm yeah... away from swimming and periods and swimming and periods.
I don't think I've blogged about this, but my little Morrissey died the other week. He's now buried in the garden. I miss him loads. He was like my best friend. =[
Anyhow... I'm gonna go get Ike ready for bed now. HoobletoodledooO!
Tuesday 15 February 2011
The Hate List
Hoobledoop bloggosphere. I know I've abandoned you recently, but I thought this'd be an appropriate place to write a hate list ... because I hate a lot of things right now.
1. The general population of earth-inhabiting fuckers. (List of specific people is currently being written elsewhere where people can't read, get offended and kill off people on my like list one by one.)
2. The overuse of commas.
3. More or less than three dots being used when people try to use an ellipsis. (I would add the overuse of the ellipsis to the list, but I'm guilty of that one :P).
4. The internet being a twat.
5. My habit of spending too much money on alcohol, only to end up severely hungover for an entire day afterwards. Makes drinking seem incredibly pointless.
6. Having to wait epic amounts of time for appointments that are supposed to be at a specific time.
7. Seeing people I know in the shops and having to talk to them.
8. The fact that I have just rediscovered swimming after like 8 years, but can't go because of stoopid twunty periods.
9. Me and Ike having to sleep on the sofa every night because I'm too damn lazy to finish off Ike's room.
10. Getting stuck on sexbox games.
11. Spelling checkers not allowing 'hoobledoop', but allowing 'sexbox' and 'twunty'.
12. Swallowing big tablets.
13. Not being able to see the tv properly if I sit on the floor.
14. People making me panads with nowhere near enough sugar in them.
15. My grandfather's singing voice.
16. The shape of my saggy belly.
17. People who promise things and then don't stick to what they've said.
18. People confusing me with unexpected sarcasm.
19. Getting my hopes up about getting post, but it turning out to be post for previous residents of my house.
20. Skinny people... especially when they're skinny after having a baby!
21. Crotch holes in jeans.
22. Crowded shops.
23. The paint that wont come out of the sleeve of Ike's coolest ACDC top.
24. Not being able to find an outfit that looks good with my awesome leggings.
25. Spending money on things that turn out to be shit. (bought the most vile cheese pasty earlier, but had to eat it because I couldn't afford to waste money)
26. People dictating to me how I should raise MY son.
I'll add more tomorrow. I may even write a love list. =]
1. The general population of earth-inhabiting fuckers. (List of specific people is currently being written elsewhere where people can't read, get offended and kill off people on my like list one by one.)
2. The overuse of commas.
3. More or less than three dots being used when people try to use an ellipsis. (I would add the overuse of the ellipsis to the list, but I'm guilty of that one :P).
4. The internet being a twat.
5. My habit of spending too much money on alcohol, only to end up severely hungover for an entire day afterwards. Makes drinking seem incredibly pointless.
6. Having to wait epic amounts of time for appointments that are supposed to be at a specific time.
7. Seeing people I know in the shops and having to talk to them.
8. The fact that I have just rediscovered swimming after like 8 years, but can't go because of stoopid twunty periods.
9. Me and Ike having to sleep on the sofa every night because I'm too damn lazy to finish off Ike's room.
10. Getting stuck on sexbox games.
11. Spelling checkers not allowing 'hoobledoop', but allowing 'sexbox' and 'twunty'.
12. Swallowing big tablets.
13. Not being able to see the tv properly if I sit on the floor.
14. People making me panads with nowhere near enough sugar in them.
15. My grandfather's singing voice.
16. The shape of my saggy belly.
17. People who promise things and then don't stick to what they've said.
18. People confusing me with unexpected sarcasm.
19. Getting my hopes up about getting post, but it turning out to be post for previous residents of my house.
20. Skinny people... especially when they're skinny after having a baby!
21. Crotch holes in jeans.
22. Crowded shops.
23. The paint that wont come out of the sleeve of Ike's coolest ACDC top.
24. Not being able to find an outfit that looks good with my awesome leggings.
25. Spending money on things that turn out to be shit. (bought the most vile cheese pasty earlier, but had to eat it because I couldn't afford to waste money)
26. People dictating to me how I should raise MY son.
I'll add more tomorrow. I may even write a love list. =]
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