Not knowing what to say.

I've been pondering. I think I need to write this stuff down somehow because I've been trying to make sense of it in my head for a while and can't quite understand why any of this shizz happens to me and not other people. This blog is going to be hard to write because it's all about how I never seem to know what to say... Ironically, I have no idea how to word this blog post either... So bare (or should it be bear? =/) with me! XD

I'm shit with conversations, social interaction and all that jazz. Yeah, I'm not as terrible online because it's not like real life where you have to respond to people instantly... but it's still hard! What are you supposed to generally say to things?!

I hate being asked how I am. I never know what to say. I usually try to avoid answering those kind of questions. I'm not sure why I find it difficult. I've worked out that the socially correct answer is 'I'm ok'... but I hate lying about things. What if I'm not particularly ok? I don't want to lie to someone... but I don't want it to lead to further conversation about why I'm not actually ok... So I usually settle for saying something like 'I'm sleepy'... Even if I'm wide awake. Somehow it seems like less of a lie. If I want to divert the topic of conversation away from me, asking how the other person is seems like a good thing to do. I *think* it's also the socially correct thing to do when asked how you are. However, it poses the problem of having to think of a suitable reply to their response. If they say they're not ok, you have to think of a nice response or something... otherwise you look like a heartless bitch... But what the fuck do you say to people? You don't want to get into a conversation like this because you'll end up saying the wrong thing. You might make the person feel worse or you'll end up saying something dumb. If it's online, you could just say something like *hugs* or something... but that seems really... I dunno... I'm not really comfortable with it... Probably because I'm not at all comfortable with real life hugs unless I'm absolutely wasted... In real life, if someone tells me they feel like crap or something I'm usually all confused and stuff and end up being all like 'erm... want a cookie?' Meh! It's super hard to explain, so I'm gonna go for another example...

Compliments are the worst. I never know how to react to them. If someone compliments me, the conversation goes something like this:

Random nice person: I like your shoes.
Me: *silently gives a confused look*
**Awkward moment**

However, I just consulted with my grandmother and the normal way for a conversation like that to go would be something along the lines of:

Random nice person: I like your shoes.
Normal person: Thanks. I got them half price in Tesco...

Even in conversations that don't involve any awkward questions or compliments, I always seem to find something to get slightly flustered with. It's annoying!

Ooohh... and you know when you put stuff like 'xxx' at the end of a conversation or something? I hate doing that! Yeah, I do it sometimes, if someone else has put Xs but it's always a forced thing and I feel exceedingly weird doing it. I don't know why. Do people even care how many Xs you put? Do they read into what it means? Is there a set amount people usually put? It all confuses me, so usually I just substitute an x with a turtle or a smiley face or something... I think by doing that, I look less... robotic or something and stuff... I dunno... It's hard to explain exactly why Xs confuse me, but I *think* it's vaguely relevent to the shizz I'm writing about in this post. =/

I don't understand why everyone else in the world always knows the right thing to say, but I don't. It's like the socialisey part of me is broken! Usually in conversations with more than one person I eventually kind of fade into the background and don't say much... Just listen to what other people are saying. I'm almost incapable of talking to strangers, unless I'm with someone I know. Even if I actually know what I need to say to someone, I always get all flustered and end up choking on word vomit. Maybe I was just meant to be locked up in a box away from people for my whole life!

But yes, I could think of a zillion examples of when I don't know what to say... but it's all confuzzling and I'm getting all flustered with myself trying to write this, so I'm gonna stop... Sorry if I've confused you or made you realise I'm weirder than you already think I am! XD

Oh my, I'm horrible!

I'm so ashamed of something that happened today. I still feel terrible about it. I'm a horrible, horrible human being and should be shot!

I was sitting on a bench outside nomming a pasty and talking to my grandmother. A man walked past with a dog. Both the man and the dog were wearing bright yellow jackets. The dog was pretty cute. The back of the mans jacket said 'Guide dog' on it. He seemed to glare in my direction, so automatically I reacted. The conversation between me and my grandmother went something like this:

Me: If that guy looks at me like that again, I'll fucking...
Grandmother: Charli! He's blind! Don't be so horrible!
Me: ... Oh... Fuck...

I honestly didn't realise he was blind until it was pointed out to me. I wanted to disappear and the ground to eat me. I really, really hope he didn't hear any of what I said. It should have been obvious to me considering he had what was obviously a guide dog... but because the man was wearing a jacket that said 'Guide dog' on it, I had automatically assumed that he worked for some guide dog company or something and was training the dog. Apparently on the front of his jacket it said he was blind. I didn't see that though because it was in smaller writing and I didn't have my glasses on.

I don't think I've ever been so ashamed of myself in my life. I'm fucking mortified. How could I have been so stupid?! I don't think he heard me though because if he had, I'm guessing he would have reacted in some way... but even if he didn't hear me, I'm still ashamed... not just of my stupidity, but of the way I reacted to a man who was evidently blind. I feel so guilty. From now on I'm going to a) try to react less to random strangers and b) be a lot more observant.

I think there's something vaguely humorous about my story, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is. I'm certainly more ashamed than amused though. =/

Fishies!

I'm badddd! I bought three fishies... I kinda, sorta used some of my health in pregnancy grant to get them. I can sort of justify that by pointing out that fishies are supposed to be calming, relaxing things so they're nice and healthy for me! XD Heh, I kinda feel a bit guilty about it though (especially as I've bought two new pairs of shoes recently) so I'm going to resist buying anything that isn't baby related or necessary for a while. I'm going shopping tomorrow though, so it's gonna be difficult! I guess I'll just have to stick to baby-related shops!

My fishies are hard to take good photos of as I'm not an experienced fish photographer, so I made a video instead because it was easier. Gosh, videos take forever to upload! The weird looking whitey one with all the spots and strange eyes is called Phlegm, the black one is called Fooki and the normal looking white one with gold bits is called Fanny. Yeah, they have silly names, but fish can get away with it.




So yesh, those are my new fishies. I think they're rad (even though I originally wanted to get tropical fish). It's been ages since I had fishy friends! XD

=]

Crap day.

Today has been a bad day.

It all started off with a pee-related mishap and just got worse and worse from that moment onwards.

I was peeing into a little tubey thing as I had to do a urine sample. Instead of the usual single stream of pee, for some reason there was like four or something. It was the worst possible episode of pissingness to end up peeing in a bizarre manner. I was wearing a plastic glove, but somehow I still managed to get a bit on my hands. Seriously, there's ONE hole for pee to come out of, so surely there should be ONE stream of pee. I'm pretty certain I don't have four urethras! >.<

Next I got my gaviscon prescription. They gave me the peppermint one. I've only just got used to the aniseed one and the peppermint one kind of burns my throat. Why can't they just give you the original one instead of horrible mintyness?! >.<

Then my grandfather was a twat, I moped a bit, played some Mario Kart, re-realised I was absolutely fucking shite at it, got bad heartburn so had to take the vile pepperminty gaviscon and decided to comfort eat.

I got a bag full of junk food. It contained 6 little bars of dairy milk, zillions of lollies, a wispa bar (which ended up melting because I sat on it), those little chewy refreshers things, marshmallows, a big thing of jelly beans, two of those dip dabby sherbet things and one of those things with breadsticky things and chocolatey stuff to dip them in. I ate most of it but still have quite a lot of stuff left. I also ate some fries, a mcflurry and a doughnut from mcdonalds later on. =/ It all resulted in me feeling a little icky... it's really not surprising though!

Then I had an arguemnt-type-thing with my mother. She was being all mooby about the fact I want blue blankets for the baby instead of white ones and being all bitchy about the fact that I want to find the perfect towels. Apparently it doesn't matter what towels I get the baby. It's easy for her to say- it's not her baby! Personally, I want everything to be perfect and will strive to get the best things possible. (yeah, this should probably be in my pregnancy blog, but it contributed to my day being shit which is what this post is about!)

Heh, I know it all sounds silly, but gosh... It really was a horrible day! I'm sure there was more things contributing to the crappyness, but they can't have been that important to me or I would have remembered them.

So yes... Shite day... But feel free to laugh at how I got pee on my hand!

Stuffage.

There's a cute moth flying round in here. He keeps flying into my computer screen... I think it's because it's dark and it's the only light source.

I bought some shmexiful new shoes today (see pic). I love them! It's great having shoes that aren't either slip-on things, wellies or converse with laces I can no longer tie. Not entirely sure spending £30 on shoes at this particular point in my life is the best idea I've ever had, especially when I spent over £20 on other stuff... but hey ho! I bought some socks and a couple of tops too. The tops look way too sophisticated and make me look like a posh person, but I don't care. At least they fit me better than non-maternity tops. My usual size rolls up over the bump and bigger sizes look silly because although they cover the bump, they're dead baggy around the arms and shoulders and stuff. Maternity clothes are my only real option at the moment because they don't look as ridiculous. Meeps. Hopefully I wont need to waste my money on any more clothing or anything in the next 6 weeks!

I went out tonight. It was the last time I'll see most people before they bugger off to far away university lands. It was quite a good night. Went to general pubs (Yellow, Wetherspoons and Rascals). Once again, I didn't spend any money all night. When I'm not drinking alcohol, I don't really feel the need to buy drinks. I had a bottle of water in my bag and that was all I consumed. If I had spent lots of money on drinks, it would have been a pointless waste of money. Walking up bitch hill is a lot worse than it usually would be when this pregnant. It should have some kind of warning sign at the bottom of it, telling pregnant people not to go up it. Could have died or something lol.

I'm waiting for the crazed farmer's wife who commented on my last blog post (about Llanffest) to reply. I quite enjoyed writing my replies to her. She pissed me off and amused me at the same time. My hope of her writing back is slowly dripping away... Gutted! XD I wonder what she'd say about the fact I went to pubs and walked up bitch hill whilst pregnant! There are so many things I would like to call her, but I'm not going to sink to her level. Meep. Why wont she reply?! Ooohh... maybe I've stumped her or something!

Anyhow. I'm gonna go to sleep because I'm rather sleepy. Night.

Llanffest

Went to Llanfest lastnight. I'm not sure if it's called Llanfest or Llanffest, but hey ho- who cares?!

There was a field on the way there with zillions of sheep in it. I've never seen that many sheep crammed into one field before... and considering I live in Wales, that's pretty pluckin' impressive!

Me and my friends got in for free because we used J's blue eyeliner to make it look like we had the stamps you needed to get in to the musicy place. It wouldn't have mattered if we hadn't succeeded in getting in... the music was pretty shit (in my opinion).

We spent ages erecting (lmao!) my sexy new tent. We didn't bother reading the instructions and ended up switching round two of the poley thingys with the top bit of shizzle still over the general tent... If that makes any sense... If it doesn't make sense- we spent way too long putting up a tent of average difficulty and ended up looking like absolute idiots! =D I love my new tent, even if it is quite a boring looking one.

I opened a bottle of strawberry beer with a fence. M accidentally smashed a whole bottle of wine.

There was literally no vegetarianified food there apart from candyfloss, so I nommed candyfloss... I love candyfloss! Hoobloads of sugarsugarsugarrrr!

It was a pretty good night... especially for a sober night!

Despite having no sleep whatsoever and half-noticing someone open the zip on the tent in the night (only the outsidey zip though), somehow something belonging to every person in the tent was stolen. My WKD went missing (we found the bottle empty later on >.<)... Seriously?! Who the fuck steals a pregnant person's alcohol?! Inconsiderate fannyholes! J's shoes were stolen... They turned up later on in someone elses tent... Apparently lots of people there had their shoes stolen and when we looked in the field next to the camping place, there was shoes scattered everywhere! And worst of all C's bag got stolen... I'm not sure whether she got it back or not... but it had her camera, glasses and everything else in it! I hope she retrieved it in the end. I'm not sure how any of this happened as I was awake all night and I think C and J were awake most of the night too. I found all of this shizz infuriatingly hilarious... or hilariously infuriating... but seriously, whoever did this stuff is a fucking twat... Oh, and M's glasses snapped in half... So that makes specsavers twatty too!
But then I saw a moo cow with a sheepy friend and all was good in the world...Although then I couldn't get my sleeping bag back in it's bag, which made me a little sad... So I dressed like a turd (I wore like all my clothes!) and wrote on my face.

All in all, it was hoobacious! Apart from the pregnancy related crap, which I will write about in my pregnantness blog rather than here because it seems like the right place to write about it... Oh, and apart from the fact I may have caught some form of disease from C!

Anyhow... gonna go moan about stuff in my pregnancy blog and then try to have a nap. hoobletoodledoo.

MiyaviBlog

This is my Miyavi blog.
I don't have many goodish quality pictures of him.
I'm not a great photographer and he rarely stays still enough for a good pic.
These pics are a collection of what are possibly my favourites of him.
=]

He likes to explore...

He also likes to sit on the hammocky-type-thing a lot...

This is him just after I got them.
He's now about three times the size he was back then...

He dreams of becoming a great guitarist one day...

But he's all sad and stuff because they don't make goo-sized guitars...

He gets very moody when awoken by a camera flash...

So yesss, Miyavi is hoobacious! =D

MOZBLOG!

Today I took lots of photographs at Morrissey's nomnom time.
It made me want to make a blog of some Morrissey pics... So here it is.
Some are from today, some are from other days.
They are mostly already on my flickr, but hey ho.
I never really had many good pictures of him until recently for some reason.

I'm so proud of the little dude... He's recovering quite well.
He's gone from a skinny little thing with a very wonky head...


To a great big monster who likes to nom people...


Here's proof...


RARRRRRR! XD


Looking through pics, I realised how much Morrissey looks like my half-brother...

Oh... and I thought this close up of his hands was kinda cute in a weird kind of way...


Note: Morrissey is not my favourite pet... I love them all equally.
I'll probably do a blog for each of them in the next few days.