Shreddingness!

Today I did something big... Really big. It may not seem like a big thing, but to me it was huge. It conjured up a rainbow of emotionalness and being the hormonal, pregnant person that I am, it very nearly made me cry a few times (but it didn't... I don't do crying! :P)

I have been writing diaries since I was 11 years old... Just after I started high school (or secondary school or whatever people call it these days). As I had been documenting most days of my life for that long, I had a large drawer full of notebooks. Many, many notebooks... Beautiful, hoobacious notebooks full of memories.

I shredded each and every one of them.















I spent at least six hours shredding things. Seven years of my life, shredded in six hours... It's pretty amazing when I think of it like that!

The feeling you get when shredding things is immensely powerful. Not many things can be compared to it. My shredder is my new best friend.

Some of the notebooks were particularly hard to shred. Not because they were made out of a hard material (with those ones, I just ripped out the innards and shredded them), but because they had really important memories in them. Not good memories, just big memories. It was the only documentation of my actual thoughts as things were happening. A lot of it was exceedingly hard to read. Some of it was actually quite terrifying to read. I knew that as I get older, they would just become harder and harder for me to read.

All the memories are now gone (well, all the documentation of the memories). Both the good and the bad. It's weird how the really bad memories were hoobloads harder to shred than the really good ones... I guess with good memories, there's not really much to think about so they're easier to remember the important details of.

I didn't flick through/shred them in any particular order, but I definitely noticed myself growing up as they became more recent. It was quite interesting to me. I learned so much about myself!

Flicking through the books made me realise that shredding everything was probably the best thing to do because keeping the diaries is kind of like holding onto the past. I just want to move forward with my life and forget about the past. Obtaining numerous papercuts and jamming my finger between the shreddy thing and the bin thing underneath it was definitely worth it. =]

The past?

Possibly the most pointless blog ever.

I've been pondering (I wonder why most of my blogs start with those three words) completely getting rid of my past, trying to forget I existed until the last few months and starting to become a completely different person altogether. I'd love to do that. I could forget about all of the dumb things I've ever done, all my failures and everything I've ever quit. Unfortunately, I still have memories of most things I've ever done and I can't even pretend they're dreams because from the age of 10 or 11 I'd been writing a diary... or journal (is there a difference between a diary and a journal?). I have a large drawer full of filled up notebooks. I have been urging myself to get rid of them for about a year now. They take up too much space and quite frankly, reading about stuff from a few years ago is not all that hoobygroovy. I always had a tendency to write about the bad things and forget to document the good days. It sucks because every time I read about my past, it appears to be a pitch black whirlwind of depressing crap. It wasn't. Well, some of it was... but certainly not all of it. I could have at least written about all the fun times to balance it out! I guess when you're cheerful, there's not much time to write it down and reflect on the hoobaciousness of it all because you're just having fun and living for the moment. Shame- If I had written about all the good times they wouldn't just be distant, smudged-up memories... It might actually seem like it actually happened and wasn't just a pleasant dream. Hey ho! Back onto the track that my train of thought was chugging swiftly along a few minutes ago... I really don't know why I can't just burn all these notebooks. They're so unreasonably depressing, but I'm way too attatched to them! I have no use for them whatsoever. It's not like I'm ever going to let anyone read any of it and I know exactly what's in them. Blahhh! Maybe if I got rid of them, the sad stuff would blur into dream-like-shizz like the happy stuff did. Gosh, I knew there was a reason I stopped writing them a couple of months ago. Meep. I seem to have forgotten where this blog was going... I think it was something to do with being too attatched to the past and stuff. *rolls eyes*

Heh, I was going to write hoobloads more... but as I've forgotten, I might as well stop wasting time typing crap. This blog is incomplete and will never be completed, but it aint the end of the world. I was also gonna write a pet-related blog, but that can wait until later. I need some decent gerbil pictures before I start.

For now, have a lovely day and hoobletoodledoo! =D